IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Advanced technology has brought many beneficial changes to the world. However, some old people today struggle with the use of technologies such as mobile phones and the Internet. How can the elderly benefit from using advanced technologies? How can the elderly be encouraged to use consumer electronics more often?

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In the
last
 century, the world has been changing very quickly due to the fast development of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and electronic gadgets.
Hence
, part of the old generation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 being marginated in
this
 field. the purpose of
this
 essay is to bring some ideas to help the elderly
people
 to exploit it and how to encourage them to
use
 it.
to begin
 with, senior citizens are able to
use
 electronic devices and take benefit from
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. To explain, most old individuals can learn how to
use
 advanced technologies, but they just need someone to teach them
such
 as their child or nephew.
Therefore
, once
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they are aware of the usage, there will be plenty of
Correct your spelling
advantages
advatanges
Correct your spelling
advantages
.
First
, old
people
 could utilize the mobile
phone
 to stay in contact with relatives that are living abroad.
For example
, if a senior has a
Correct your spelling
daughter
dauther
Correct your spelling
daughter
 in another country, he could
use
 the
phone
 to make a video call with her.
Secondly
, the internet helps
Correct your spelling
ancient
acient
Correct your spelling
ancient
people
 to be more up-to-date.To be more specific, they could
use
cell
Add an article
a cell
the cell
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 to watch
news
Add an article
the news
show examples
 and
knowing
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 what is happening in the world;
as a result
, it will prevent them to be marginated. Moving
further
, once
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
aged
people
 exploit the benefits
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high tech, they will be automatically encouraged to
use
 it more often.To explain, one time they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
knew
Change the verb form
known
show examples
 that it is useful to call distant relatives, they will repeat
this
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
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 more often.
For instance
, a grandmother that has a granddaughter in a distant country will
use
 the
phone
 frequently to call her. Another thing worth
to mention
Change the verb form
mentioning
show examples
 is that many companies have developed
Add an article
a phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 that
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 the
Correct your spelling
function
fuction
Correct your spelling
function
 of enlarging the letters so it will help elderly
people
 to read on the
phone
. In conclusion, even though the world is developing faster and faster,
people
 are not forgetting that there is a group of folks
that is
 to say the aged one that
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
.
Submitted by valenginis on

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