Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence

#argument #case #reader #specialist #topic #music #world #country #support #arguments #evidence

Music

helps

people

to relax the

mind

, forget sorrows and it

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

mind

Correct article usage

the mind

show examples

refresh irrespective of its kind and language.

However

Add a comma

,However

show examples

some

people

believe that traditional

music

is more important compared to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

widely accepted international

music

. In

Correct your spelling

show examples

may

Correct your spelling

show examples

opinion,

Music

does not have language and one can listen

and

Change preposition

to and

show examples

enjoy any type of

music

according to his/her preferences.

Firstly

, some songs concur the

people

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

irrespective of

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

type. there are many local songs which

Change the verb form

are

show examples

widely accepted by everyone.

for example

Correct article usage

the

show examples

Tamil song "Enjoy Anjami" went viral all over the world, and

people

across the globe

listened

Add the preposition

tolistened

show examples

this

song even though they do not understand the lyrics.

This

shows that

music

does not have any

barrier

Fix the agreement mistake

barriers

show examples

Secondly

people

who claim

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

importance

Change preposition

show examples

traditional

music

are worried about the extinction of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

traditional

music

. They fear that

people

will follow widely accepted

music

and

hence

nobody will be interested to learn traditional

music

However

, if the creation is excellent,

then

music

Correct article usage

the music

show examples

will be accepted by

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

For example

, traditional African samba

music

is getting wide popularity because of the creativity generated by the local musicians. To summarise,

Music

is about creativity and musicians need to focus more on pleasant and

Add a hyphen

mind-blowing

show examples

mind blowing

Add a hyphen

mind-blowing

show examples

creations.

This

will genuinely help to nurture traditional

music

in the

mind

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

generation and

hence

will

also

become

pride

Add an article

a pride

show examples

to the country.

Submitted by bilujohn on Mon Oct 24 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

229 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
some say that one of the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others
some people believe that one of the prominent benefits of being affluent is that they can think of others. I, personally agree with the notion that rich people can play a crucial role in uplifting the condition of poor people because of mainly two main reasons; firstly, they are capable of doing various charitable works. Secondly, they can create employment opportunities for people.
<4
band
In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweight the disadvangtages?
Nowadays,almost people is used to smartphone. Because smartphone is an essential human object for communication and work. But spending a large amount of time using smartphone can lead to health problem. This essay will discuss its advantages and this advangtages about this problem.
5
band
Write about the following topic. Should students be allowed to choose which classes they take, or should they be required to take the same classes as everyone else? What are the advantages and disadvantages of each approach to education? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
There is a discussion about whether students should be able to choose their own lectures or they should follow a common curriculum as same as everyone else. The main benefits of individualised schedules are they can prioritise lessons, and select them due to their desired careers; however, the key drawbacks are they might have lacking areas and limited career opportunity after graduation without taking certain lectures.
4.5
band
Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.
There is a controversial statement over the subject that whether students should obtain some information related to food and how to make it or it is completely waste of time and they should put their time for more valuable subjects. In this essay , I will look at both sides of the arguments and draw a conclusion. My opinion is also included.
8
band
Some people believe that history has no value in the contemporary world.But some believe that we still need history to learn from the past.Discuss both views and Give your opinion?
It is undeniable fact that there is a lot of controversy regarding the subject of the past.Few individuals consider that past has less importance nowadays . While a myriad of crowd argue that it is very essential to learn past for gathering intelligence about the past.Therefore,I partially agree with the affirmation given in the interrogation and some of the prongs are catalogued beneath.

Your opinion

some say that one of the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweight the disadvangtages?

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.

Some people believe that history has no value in the contemporary world.But some believe that we still need history to learn from the past.Discuss both views and Give your opinion?