Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence

Music
helps
people
to relax the
mind
, forget sorrows and it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
mind
Correct article usage
the mind
show examples
refresh irrespective of its kind and language.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
some
people
believe that traditional
music
is more important compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
widely accepted international
music
. In
Correct your spelling
my
show examples
may
Correct your spelling
my
show examples
opinion,
Music
does not have language and one can listen
and
Change preposition
to and
show examples
enjoy any type of
music
according to his/her preferences.
Firstly
, some songs concur the
people
's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
irrespective of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
type. there are many local songs which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
widely accepted by everyone.
for example
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Tamil song "Enjoy Anjami" went viral all over the world, and
people
across the globe
listened
Add the preposition
tolistened
show examples
this
song even though they do not understand the lyrics.
This
shows that
music
does not have any
barrier
Fix the agreement mistake
barriers
show examples
.
Secondly
,
people
who claim
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
importance
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
traditional
music
are worried about the extinction of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional
music
. They fear that
people
will follow widely accepted
music
and
hence
nobody will be interested to learn traditional
music
.
However
, if the creation is excellent,
then
music
Correct article usage
the music
show examples
will be accepted by
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
For example
, traditional African samba
music
is getting wide popularity because of the creativity generated by the local musicians. To summarise,
Music
is about creativity and musicians need to focus more on pleasant and
Add a hyphen
mind-blowing
show examples
mind blowing
Add a hyphen
mind-blowing
show examples
creations.
This
will genuinely help to nurture traditional
music
in the
mind
of
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
generation and
hence
will
also
become
pride
Add an article
a pride
show examples
to the country.
Submitted by bilujohn on

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