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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are theadvantages and disadvantages for the child having a large number of toys?

#parents #children #toys #theadvantages #child
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The development of living standard leading an amount of demand which is considered necessary to
human
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a human
the human
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 being, the
children
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is
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are
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 not an exception.
Parents
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 nowadays have more tendency to buy a large
amount
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number
show examples
 of
toys
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 for their
children
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, which can lead to a lot of consequences, neither beneficial nor unbeneficial. Almost all
parents
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 have a conception that if their
children
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 possess
a great deal of
Change the quantifier
a lot of
many
plenty of
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toys
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 to play with, it will automatically boost the
child
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's creativity as well as their concentration.
Let
Add a missing verb
Let's
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 take puzzles or legos
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for
Add the comma(s)
,for
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 example, both of it all related to the ability of logical thought as well as
brained
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brain
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 development because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can help the
child
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 to have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to practice their brain by trying to memorise or analyze some
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 there.
In addition
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,
parents
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also
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 want to stop the
child
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 from disturbing them while they are keeping pace with working or in a private space. The kid will be kept busy with their plaything
isolated
Wrong verb form
isolating
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their
Change preposition
from their
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children
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 to immerse in
such
Linking Words
 a society
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of princess
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princess
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princesses
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,
heros
Correct your spelling
heroes
 or even ridiculously monsters.
Beside
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Besides
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 that, being under too many
toys
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 can affect negatively
to
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apply
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children
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's
developing
Replace the word
development
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. Kids who have lots of
toys
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 are more likely to spend most of their time playing
indoor
Correct your spelling
indoors
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, without interacting with their
counterpart
Fix the agreement mistake
counterparts
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 or even they feel that it is unessential to build
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 relationship with each other. It can adversely impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their social skill which can lead to a bunch of cons. Not to mention that, if the
child
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 too many choices to select what they find
interest
Wrong verb form
interesting
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in
Change preposition
apply
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, they will easily
unappreciate
Correct your spelling
unappreciated
 the value of the
toys
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; they don't even care about
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
Correct your spelling
existence
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
. In conclusion, it is clear that the
disadvantanges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the advantages;
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
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parents
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 must have paid more attention to their
children
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's condition;
therefore
Linking Words
 they will be able to adjust the number of
toys
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 they give to their
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by shin.le1988 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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