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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays young people lack an understanding of how to manage their finances after they finish high school. Explain why they do not know how to manage money and how this can be changed. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In today’s society, a concerning trend has emerged where many young people lack the necessary
knowledge
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 and skills to effectively manage their finances upon completing high school.
This
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 financial illiteracy is primarily
due to
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 inadequate
education
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as well as
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 the lack of first-hand
knowledge
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.
However
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, satisfactory
education
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 related to managing finances and proper parenting can solve it. The reasons why many young adults are incompetent to manage their own
money
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 are the lack of both theoretical and practical
knowledge
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. Personal finance is not yet a part of the school curriculum. In consequence, they are deprived of acquiring theoretical
knowledge
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.
Likewise
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, many
parents
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 do not share financial responsibilities with their children.
As a result
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, youngsters do not get hands-on experience. It is scientifically proven that someone’s basic character is shaped at an early stage of life and the way someone is educated at home greatly influences the future. So to have a better young generation who knows how to effectively manage
money
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,
parents
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 should teach the fundamentals of finance management at home and reveal how hard they work to make
money
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.
However
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, financial
education
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 comprises lessons that enable an individual to make informed and effective decisions with all his financial resources. If the schools incorporate financial
education
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 into their curriculum,
then
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 pupils can learn how to budget, how to use a credit card, how to save, how to avoid debt and so forth.
Similarly
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,
parents
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 can teach their children a good lesson by providing real-life experiences.
That is
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 to say that
parents
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 can share some financial responsibilities with their children.
For example
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, when
parents
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 give some pocket
money
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 and give them freedom to make their budget on their own. Constantly, they learned two great lessons- they should spend what they can afford and how to avoid the pitfall of unplanned expenditure.
To conclude
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, in the present dire situation, financial
education
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 is more essential than ever before. Schools should integrate financial
education
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 into the curriculum
while
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parent’s
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parents
parent
show examples
 ought to share some financial liabilities with adolescents so that they can gain both practical and theoretical
knowledge
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 of
money
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 management.

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coherence cohesion
Enhance logical flow by using more concise transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Expand on how schools can integrate financial education practically.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured introduction and conclusion that effectively outline and summarize the essay.
task achievement
Inclusion of relevant examples, such as involving parents in children's financial learning, strengthens argument points.
task achievement
The essay stays focused on the question, addressing both why young people lack financial management skills and how this can be changed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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