Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #schools #students #subjects #future #careers #music #sports

Some people claim that schools should focus on teaching

students

academic

subjects

as it is helpful for their career prospects.

However

, others say that non-academic

subjects

like music and sports are more essential. Personally, while the former seems reasonable to me, the latter is more convincing. Nowadays, it is readily apparent that companies pay attention to

students

’ educational

background

Fix the agreement mistake

backgrounds

show examples

. One of the salient illustrations of

this

is that newly graduated

students

lack experience, so those

students

who have high grades in high schools or universities have more advantages than those without good degrees.

In addition

, those academic

subjects

can help

students

have technical expertise that

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

them get high-paid salaries easily and decent jobs.

On the other hand

, some companies

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

appreciate

students

’ interpersonal

skills

. Albeit conceding the merits of academic

subjects

, non-academic

subjects

have

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

own benefits and it needs to be more concentrated. Those non-academic

subjects

like music and art can attribute essential

skills

that are needed for the entertainment industry, which is a thriving industry nowadays.

This

industry is a bustling

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

market and it will develop strongly in the

decades.

In addition

, sports - one of

non-academic

Add an article

the non-academic

show examples

subjects

- can help

students

have

necessary

Correct article usage

the necessary

show examples

interpersonal

skills

that employers

also

require,

such

as teamwork

skills

and

collaborating

Replace the word

collaboration

show examples

. In conclusion, I think that

although

academic

subjects

seem helpful for

students

’ careers, non-academic should be more appreciated because of the mentioned merits. In my opinion, schools should strike a balance between academic and non-academic

subjects

to help

students

become

fully-developed

Correct your spelling

fully developed

show examples

Submitted by vuanhhibstrading on Mon Oct 24 2022

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for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen or pencil. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity.

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

As technology advances, traveling to space is likely to become an option for holidaysmakers in the future. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of space tourism?

Some people think that news has no connection with people’s lives; so it is a waste of time to read newspapers and watch television news programmes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?