Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some people claim that schools should focus on teaching

students

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academic

subjects

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as it is helpful for their career prospects.

However

Linking Words

, others say that non-academic

subjects

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like music and sports are more essential. Personally, while the former seems reasonable to me, the latter is more convincing. Nowadays, it is readily apparent that companies pay attention to

students

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’ educational

background

Fix the agreement mistake

backgrounds

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. One of the salient illustrations of

this

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is that newly graduated

students

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lack experience, so those

students

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who have high grades in high schools or universities have more advantages than those without good degrees.

In addition

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, those academic

subjects

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can help

students

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have technical expertise that

make

Change the verb form

makes

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them get high-paid salaries easily and decent jobs.

On the other hand

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, some companies

Correct quantifier usage

apply

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appreciate

students

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’ interpersonal

skills

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. Albeit conceding the merits of academic

subjects

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, non-academic

subjects

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have

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

own benefits and it needs to be more concentrated. Those non-academic

subjects

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like music and art can attribute essential

skills

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that are needed for the entertainment industry, which is a thriving industry nowadays.

This

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industry is a bustling

labor

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labour

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market and it will develop strongly in the

Linking Words

decades.

In addition

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, sports - one of

non-academic

Add an article

the non-academic

show examples

subjects

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- can help

students

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have

necessary

Correct article usage

the necessary

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interpersonal

skills

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that employers

also

Linking Words

require,

such

Linking Words

as teamwork

skills

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and

collaborating

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collaboration

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. In conclusion, I think that

although

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academic

subjects

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seem helpful for

students

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’ careers, non-academic should be more appreciated because of the mentioned merits. In my opinion, schools should strike a balance between academic and non-academic

subjects

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to help

students

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become

fully-developed

Correct your spelling

fully developed

show examples

vuanhhibstradingMon Oct 24 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

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Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To whatt extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

In the 21st century, many companies allow their employees to work from home. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

University students should learn a range of other subjects and not just one subject.

Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world, while others think scientists make the greatest contribution to the world. Discuss both views!