IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy in life? What other things in life can make people happy? Happiness is crucial to live good and prosperous?

#people #life #money #happiness
Happiness is the key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
successful
Add an article
a successful
show examples
life
. There is a quote which is quite popular, '
Money
 can not buy
happiness'
Correct your spelling
happiness
show examples
.
However
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 reality,
money
 can
purchased
Change the form of the verb
purchase
show examples
 all the amenities which can make a
person
 ecstatic. In
this
 essay, I will discuss how a lot of
money
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 an individual joyful and will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
other things which can be a reason for
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
Correct your spelling
happiness
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
.
Nevertheless
, I will discuss the contribution of
Correct your spelling
happiness
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
Change preposition
to in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
Correct your spelling
individual's
indvidual's
Correct your spelling
individual's
 good and prosperous
life
. Nowadays, people are more inclined to
luxarious
Correct your spelling
luxurious
life
,
human
Add an article
a human
the human
show examples
 being who has
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to avail all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
Correct your spelling
luxury
luxary
Correct your spelling
luxury
 is the happiest
person
.
Thus
, wealthy men are buying happiness in terms of
modern
Add an article
the modern
a modern
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
, big
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 and international
vacation
Fix the agreement mistake
vacations
show examples
. So, it is doubtless to consider that
money
 can provide bliss and joy.
On the other hand
, there are several things which
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 major
contribution
Replace the word
contribute
show examples
behind
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a peaceful
life
 ,
such
 as
sound
Correct article usage
a sound
show examples
 body and mind, creativity, and the emotional bond with family and friends. There is no doubt that
money
 can not
by
Correct your spelling
buy
show examples
 these things.
For instance
, an old rich man who is suffering from
serious
Correct article usage
a serious
show examples
 chronic health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 could not enjoy his
life
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 his terms , there is no use
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the millions of
pound
Fix the agreement mistake
pounds
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 his bank account. If a
person
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to live a
prosporous
Correct your spelling
prosperous
life
, he has to nurture his inner self to enjoy his
life
 fullest.
Happy
Add an article
A happy
show examples
person
 can be
most
Add an article
a most
show examples
 productive
person
, he can easily concur any obstacles and can solve
Add an article
the problem
a problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 through proper understanding as he can use his brain wisely. To conclude,
although
money
 can buy mortal
Correct your spelling
things
thinghs
Correct your spelling
things
 which make a
person
 happy for
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 time,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
if a
person
wants
Add the particle
towants
show examples
 live his
life
 fullest , he has to give equal importance
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 physical and mental health, so that he can live a blissful
life
.
Submitted by ratnamalabej93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: