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Band 7.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobsfor personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree

#employers #people #jobsfor #information #hobbies #interests
Today it is a common belief that there are some requirements to mention private information when applying for a job whilst some think that it is not necessary. I firmly believe that it is totally appropriate for employers to be aware of the social characteristics of their employees. Both views will be discussed in
this
 essay. On the one hand, every potential worker has their own right to protect private
life
 and to keep certain kinds of data confidential. There are some considerable reasons why individuals prefer not to share about their maternal status,
for instance
.
Furthermore
, it should be emphasized that some individuals can have controversial traits of character, and find it unnecessary to declare their hobbies and interests. To give an illustration, there are numerous successful personalities, who keep their personal
life
 private and lead confidential lifestyles.
On the other hand
 , one should not forget that every organization should be aware of additional knowledge about their employees in case of accidents and it is significant for both sides, especially in safety precautions.
Moreover
, some info about hobbies and interests can play a crucial role in the social
life
 of workers within their organization.
Besides
, it is a great opportunity for workers to make friends based on common interests and hobbies and even to involve family members in social events in the framework of the workplace.
In addition
, there are some kinds of jobs
such
 as those related to the military or media, which might require moving to another location and in
such
 cases, single workers are welcomed more. It may be concluded from
this
 essay, that despite the fact that every worker owns rights to private
life
, it is much more crucial to mention additional personal material when enrolling on
anew
Correct your spelling
a new
show examples
 job because the benefits outweigh the drawbacks in
this
 given topic.
Submitted by kassymov_99 on

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Task Achievement
Develop examples further to provide more depth to your argument. While you mention general ideas, integrating specific, detailed examples will strengthen your points and offer clearer insight into your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider utilizing a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraph transitions. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make the progression of ideas more seamless.
Task Achievement
While your essay provides a balanced view on the topic, to achieve a higher score, aim to explore the implications and consequences of each viewpoint in greater detail. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding and analysis of the subject matter.
General Advice
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and sentence structure to enhance clarity. Stronger control over grammar and punctuation will contribute positively to the overall quality of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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