IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to young children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
Certain
Add an article
A certain
show examples
 percentage of people claim that public works have to be a mandatory component of the higher
school
 program. I disagree with
this
 statement.
This
 essay will provide reasons why
this
 statement is a not good idea.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
 argument is
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 forcing
students
 to participate in
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of activities
distract
Correct subject-verb agreement
distracts
show examples
 them from
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 process
moreover
, compelling
students
insult
Fix the infinitive
to insult
show examples
 disgusting attitude to community
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
 even if it is honourable business. As
proof
Add a comma
,proof
show examples
 there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 some
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 that
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 how obliging can destroy any enthusiasm. Investigators took
group
Add an article
a group
show examples
 of kids that showed some interest in drawing and during the period of exploration researchers set
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several tasks related to drawing in order to find how compelling
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
to
Correct your spelling
so
show examples
 desire. After the expiration of
study
Correct article usage
the study
show examples
 period explorers noticed with each new time kids showed
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 less interest than before
in addition
,
this kids
Change the determiner
this kid
these kids
show examples
 stopped drawing in their leisure time
as a result
 of, inducing them.
This
 kind of
researchers
Replace the word
research
show examples
 clearly shows that compelling
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 to do activities completely reduces desire that’s why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 adding community service should not be
compulsory
Add an article
a compulsory
show examples
 part of
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
.
Second
Add an article
The second
show examples
 ground is the learners are not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
slaves
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 other words, they should have freedom of choice,
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
students
 will grow
with
Change preposition
up with
show examples
 the idea that they have no other options to choose except what others already decided.
As a result
,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of responsible adults most likely will decrease since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
school
 government started deciding what they should do and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not. In conclusion, I want to say that
students
 should choose on their own what they want to do
furthermore
,
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 government should conduct surveys about adding curriculum activities on the shoulder of learners.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: