It is important for people to take risks, both in their personal lives and professional lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages

#people #risks #lives #risk

It is significant for people to take

risks

careers

Correct pronoun usage

their careers

show examples

as well as in their personal lives.

Although

this

can bring harmful

risks

that cannot return.

However

this

can change the opportunities, and I believe

this

advantage far outweighs any disadvantages. Making a risk may bring big disadvantages.

For example

, adults who are living with their

parents

because they receive financial support from their

parents

. If they stop getting support from their

parents

, they can be free to go forward with their dreams, they may face the downside of losing the comfort of their

parents

money

Replace the word

monetary

show examples

supports

Fix the agreement mistake

support

show examples

. The same can be true of making a career change that involves a big pay cut.

However

, I do not think that a short-term sacrifice should be seen as a major disadvantage in life because it can pay off greatly in the long run. On the positive side,

risks

bring opportunities.

For instance

, in the Korean idol group Black Pink, Jennie is the rapper among

this

group. She graduated from elementary to middle school in LA. After graduating the middle school, her family planned to go to Canada.

However

, she had a dream to be a singer in

Korea

. It is hard to succeed as an idol in

Korea

, but she took the risk of giving up her studies and went back to

Korea

to audition for an agency. Eventually, she became the best idol in

Korea

, and if she hadn't taken the risk, she would have been living a different life. In conclusion,

although

taking

risks

may be difficult and cannot return, I believe the

risks

they take can create life-changing opportunities for them.

Submitted by doeun4652 on Tue Oct 25 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

272 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is important for people to take risks, both in their personal lives and professional lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some school leavers tend to go for travelling or work for a period of time before directly going to university. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages?

Q= Having police officer patrolling the streets is often considered an essential way to reduce crime. How effective do you think police Street patrolling are? What other ways to reduce crime can you purpose?

some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as many and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many people today find they have insufficient time to spend with their families, because of pressures of work. What problems does this create for individuals and their families? What solutions can you propose? Which would be the most effective solution, in your view?