It is important for people to take risks, both in their personal lives and professional lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages
It is significant for people to take
risks
in careers
as well as in their personal lives. Correct pronoun usage
their careers
Although
, this
can bring harmful risks
that cannot return. However
, this
can change the opportunities, and I believe this
advantage far outweighs any disadvantages.
Making a risk may bring big disadvantages. For example
, adults who are living with their parents
because they receive financial support from their parents
. If they stop getting support from their parents
, they can be free to go forward with their dreams, they may face the downside of losing the comfort of their parents
' money
Replace the word
monetary
supports
. The same can be true of making a career change that involves a big pay cut. Fix the agreement mistake
support
However
, I do not think that a short-term sacrifice should be seen as a major disadvantage in life because it can pay off greatly in the long run.
On the positive side, risks
bring opportunities. For instance
, in the Korean idol group Black Pink, Jennie is the rapper among this
group. She graduated from elementary to middle school in LA. After graduating the middle school, her family planned to go to Canada. However
, she had a dream to be a singer in Korea
. It is hard to succeed as an idol in Korea
, but she took the risk of giving up her studies and went back to Korea
to audition for an agency. Eventually, she became the best idol in Korea
, and if she hadn't taken the risk, she would have been living a different life.
In conclusion, although
taking risks
may be difficult and cannot return, I believe the risks
they take can create life-changing opportunities for them.Submitted by doeun4652 on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite