IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolwork, which of the two approaches do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
First
Linking Words
 of all, In
this
Linking Words
 World there are many
families
Use synonyms
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
have sufficient
activities
Use synonyms
 or obligations in
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 lives, it's for
this
Linking Words
 reason that they don't have
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with their
children
Use synonyms
 for many grounds,
for
Linking Words
Use synonyms
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 your jobs, or maybe because they travel a lot,
also
Linking Words
 there are
families
Use synonyms
 who like to live with their
children
Use synonyms
 or do some
activities
Use synonyms
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
show examples
for
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
 they go to the cinema or if it's
posible
Correct your spelling
possible
 that they can play
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
 games,
moreover
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this activity
these activities
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 are very hilarious and interesting because you are sharing great moments with your family.
However
Linking Words
 each family is very
Correct your spelling
varying
varing
Correct your spelling
caring
varying
 in
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
time
Use synonyms
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
show examples
for
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
 I prefer to use that
time
Use synonyms
 doing things together that are related to schoolwork,
also
Linking Words
 we can go
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 park or another place that I like
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
going to
park
Correct article usage
the park
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
this
Linking Words
 place
is very relax
Change the verb form
is very relaxing
is very relaxed
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 you can see the nature of the World,
this
Linking Words
 is the reason that I like sharing with my family
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 there are
families
Use synonyms
 that your parents don't have a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with their
children
Use synonyms
, and these people prefer that their
children
Use synonyms
 can have fun with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 things
for
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
 games or sports,
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 are very interesting but it is not the same In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 In
this
Linking Words
World
Add a comma
,World
show examples
 there are
families
Use synonyms
 that prefer
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
 with their
children
Use synonyms
 or the parent don't have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and they decide to buy exciting things but that's not
happiness
Replace the word
happy
show examples
 in their lives

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: