Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to the young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

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It is undeniable fact that nowadays a multitude of individuals want to become famous.

However

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, in

this

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contemporary

world

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,world

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there are celebrities

which

Correct pronoun usage

who

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are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for

accomplishments

Correct pronoun usage

their accomplishments

show examples

and

this

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sets a negative example to the young

generation

Use synonyms

. I agree with

this

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statement to a maximum extent. In

this

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essay, I intend to support my views before

reasonable

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a reasonable

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conclusion can be drawn.

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First

Correct article usage

The first

show examples

and foremost step is that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

people believe that becoming a famous actor, artist or model can be an easy way to get affluent.

That is

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all because of the fact that celebrities are showing off

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their wealth. To give an illustration, children see that some individuals become stars even without any achievements,

they

Correct word choice

and they

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want to repeat after them.

Moreover

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, people in society are

such

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that they evaluate not the knowledge or talent of a person, but appearance.

Therefore

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, many children think that

Correct your spelling

one

show examples

Correct your spelling

one

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of the most essential qualities in a person is his externality. Probing

further

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, it is evident that children and teenagers are the future of the country and society. But

those future

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that future generation

those future generations

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generation

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may ruin their own future. Because while youngsters are busy spending time on Instagram and TikTok and trying to

became

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become

show examples

famous, they probably may not notice their surroundings. While problems with ecology and

economy

Correct article usage

the economy

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will occur in the world, the already growing

generation

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of millenniums will be engaged in becoming rich and popular

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such

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

as celebrities did. In conclusion, the most negative influence on the growing

generation

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that has been had by public figures

which

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

are well know

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are well known

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for their allure and luxuries is unemployment.

Submitted by Allazhar on Wed Oct 26 2022

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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In some countries, students pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pays for them. Do the advantages of governments paying for fees outweigh the disadvantages?