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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some countries are struggling with increases in crime rates. Some believe that having more police on the streets is best way to reduce and combat crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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An increasing number of criminals has struck fear among nations.
While
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 some claim that enhancing the
police
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 workforce on the streets is the optimal way to cope with crimes, I strongly believe
this
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 is not the most efficient way, and there are better solutions to
this
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 phenomenon. On the one hand, it is understandable why citizens support the idea of having more
police
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.
To begin
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 with,
police
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 officers, who are tasked with solving crimes, are well trained and often equipped with specialized equipment
such
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 as handcuffs or batons to confront lawbreakers readily.
As a result
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, when a
crime
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 occurs, the
police
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 workforce can intervene promptly and prevent criminal behaviours from expanding.
However
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, wrongdoers usually commit offences at night when the governing bodies are off-duty, leading to a higher possibility of
crime
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 success.
Therefore
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, having more
police
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 in residential areas could not reduce the
crime
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 rate
due to
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 the contrary in working hours.
On the other hand
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, I am of the opinion that other feasible approaches could be adopted to decrease the
crime
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 rate.
Firstly
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, most wrongdoings have resulted from poverty, so the government should organize some campaigns to provide people with vocational training courses. When these individuals can financially support themselves, they will become law-abiding citizens and avoid committing crimes.
Secondly
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, schools should
also
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 educate children from an early age to raise their awareness of
crime
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 prevention.
This
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 is because research conducted by Oxford University has indicated a correlation between proper education and a low level of criminality. In conclusion,
although
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 increasing the number of
police
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 is pragmatic, I vehemently hold that
this
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 is not the best solution.
Besides
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, vocational training courses and proper education are better ways to deter offenders.

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task response
In the introduction, provide a clearer stance on whether you agree, disagree, or partially agree with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is well connected to the previous one to enhance coherence.
language
Good use of advanced vocabulary and complex sentence structures.
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