Many people today find it difficult to balance the demands of their work and personal life. What are the causes of this situation, and what can individuals and employers do to reduce the problem? You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #balance #demands #work #life #situation #individuals #employers

It is a matter of common knowledge, that every people's

life

is eclipses

Change the verb form

is eclipsed

show examples

by work since it is the source of their money which provides for their needs in

life

. But, some parts of society don't have enough

time

to spend on their pleasure and family,

this

is the problem of half of the population of the world, which needs to be solved by people themselves and employers. To start with, hectic

life

balance should be regulated by the companies since they are responsible for their worker's well-being. The most essential is to regulate the

time

employer spent at the company service, and breaks during work are important too.

For example

: in Spain, people have 2 hours gap between their work, from 3 o'clock to 5, so they have the opportunity to hang out with their friends enjoy their

time

at the cafes or just visit their family members.

On the other hand

, employers can't cope with problems without the help of individuals. One should improve

time

management of his

life

, and make priorities. Burdening yourself with problems all the

time

and working systematically, has a bad impact not only personal

life

but on your health itself.

For example

; my uncle who is a hardworking and very successful businessman

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

doesn't have a family in his 40, which he regrets most since only career achievement cant build your

life

. In conclusion, while organizations and governments should give populations enough

time

to spend of their free will, one should make the right priorities in his

life

Submitted by janelidzenatali10 on Wed Oct 26 2022

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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