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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In education and empolyment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work hardrer ? Is it always a good thing to work hard ?

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Pressure and competition are the biggest problems that lots of
people
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 face nowadays.
Therefore
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, there are a lot of
people
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 who
work
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 hard in education and employment.
However
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, why do they
work
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 harder than others? Is it a good thing that they always do it? In
this
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 essay, I will express my opinion. It is obvious that hard
work
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 can make life better.
That is
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, in education or employment, studying or working hard can play a critical role and lay the groundwork for a successful future.
For example
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, working hard can earn more money, can buy anything that they want, and can offer all the family needs. Those who
work
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 hard in school can apply to prestigious institutes or find
work
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.
Therefore
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, education and working hard can get more benefits for themselves.
This
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 is why some
people
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 are studying or working harder than others.
In addition
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, there are more benefits for them because of their hard
work
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. If they always do
this
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, they will be disadvantaged.
Firstly
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, it has been harmful to their health for a long time in high pressure. so that it will injure their minds.
Secondly
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, if they are always studying hard or working for a long time, they will not have a good relationship with others. because they always think about competition. Other
people
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, in their eyes, are not friends.
Thirdly
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, it is not a good thing for the whole society. Let society become more preoccupied since most of the competitive atmosphere is gone. Keeping study and
work
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 status is necessary, but there is no need to
work
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 too hard. Relaxing and making friends are good ways to communicate.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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