IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The most important consideration when choosing any career or job ishaving a high income. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#consideration #career #job #income
In today’s fast-paced world, young people are in the face of seeking good jobs. It is a widely held belief that finance is the primary criterion when considering a
career
. From my perspective, I partly agree with
this
 opinion.
To begin
 with, it is undeniable that a lucrative income is of great importance in various aspects of life. In terms of daily expenses, workers who have well-paid jobs may be able to meet their basic demands
such
 as electricity and rent.
Furthermore
, physical health will
also
 be guaranteed. When approaching older age
as well as
 being exposed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution, individuals can be prone to some kinds of illnesses with ease. Without money, they may find it challenging to get access to medical services. On top of that, a higher salary can contribute to the
overall
 happiness and fulfilment of employees. In fact, there is a saying that “matter determines consciousness”.
In other words
, spiritual life will be extremely tedious with a shortage of money as the young who are at their prime, may have an inactive lifestyle and lose confidence
instead
 of exploring new places
as well as
 keeping in touch with their friends.
As a result
, high income plays a vital role in
career
 pursuit.
On the other hand
, there are various other factors that contribute to an accomplished
career
 including supportive colleagues, work-life balance, and passion for work. To illustrate that,
while
 becoming an English teacher nowadays is considered one of the well-paid jobs, it comes with challenges. Teachers usually spend hours grading numerous assignments and ensure the students’ progress regardless of disruptive behaviours.
To conclude
, though it is essential to have a rewarding job to maintain daily expenses, employees should consider different elements when choosing a
career
 path.
Submitted by bichngoc.ngochoa on

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coherence cohesion
You present a well-structured argument, maintaining a clear position throughout the response. To further enhance your essay, consider diversifying your sentence structures and incorporating a wider range of linking phrases.
task achievement
You've done well to address both sides of the argument, providing clear examples to support your points. Try to further elaborate on these examples, making them more detailed and specific, to strengthen your argument and more effectively demonstrate your point of view.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is commendable, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that guide the reader smoothly through your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples and reasoning to support your main points, effectively addressing the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • job satisfaction
  • long-term happiness
  • personal fulfillment
  • financial stability
  • passion
  • quality of life
  • work-life balance
  • career advancement
  • societal impact
  • income disparity
  • material success
  • monetary compensation
  • wealth accumulation
  • economic well-being
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