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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #schools #students #subjects #future #careers #music #sports
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Some people believe that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should remove
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 and music so that
students
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 can focus on academic
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as Math or English, which support their careers in
future
Use synonyms
. While it is true that core
subjects
Use synonyms
 are important, I do not believe that completely concentrating on teaching academic fields is an optimum choice due to securing employment and enhancing potential talents by studying artistic and athletic
subjects
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 are paramount to
students
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’
future
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profession
Fix the agreement mistake
professions
show examples
. It could be said that the foremost objective of people who attend school is to get a financially viable career when they finish. When
students
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 give full attention to only one
Use synonyms
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
, the learners can get high academic knowledge in their own fields and easy to get a good job with
attractive
Correct article usage
an attractive
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 salary.
Moreover
Linking Words
, concentrating on one important subject
enhance
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enhances
show examples
students
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’
efficient
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efficiency
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of
Change preposition
apply
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learning. Due to it,
students
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 do not feel bored and
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
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 when have to study
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
subjects
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 they do not keen on learning.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, teaching athletic and artistic fields allow young talents to be discovered as well as indirectly
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 candidates more employable.
Subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as music and sport provide essential skills
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
necessary
Add a missing verb
are necessary
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
future
Add an article
a future
the future
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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. Nowadays, recruiters tend to
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 candidates majoring in arts because they are more creative and better at
collaborative
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the collaborative
a collaborative
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is the key to any company’s success.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some
students
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 do not know that they have
aptitude
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the aptitude
an aptitude
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 field.
Therefore
Linking Words
, teaching athletic and artistic
subjects
Use synonyms
 helps
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 as well as the youth to discover their potential, and it can be an opportunity for
students
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 to
success
Replace the word
succeed
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 and find a good job in the
future
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. In conclusion, in spite of the benefits of learning academic
subjects
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, I still believe that learners ought to study all the
subjects
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 to achieve their full potential and get a good job in the field
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 they have
aptitude
Add an article
the aptitude
an aptitude
show examples
.
Change preposition
for.
show examples
Submitted by suhailjallalzadah on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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