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Band 3.5

In some countries, only a few young people go to classical music concerts or play classical music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more?

#countries #people #music #concerts
Over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
along
Change preposition
apply
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the world is changing and the priority as well. It’s impossible to compare nowadays with decades ago, our youth is trying
others style
Fix the agreement mistake
other styles
show examples
 of songs which the speech inspires them more than
classic
Replace the word
classical
show examples
 music. In my opinion, it is not necessary
encourage
Add the particle
to encourage
show examples
 them
keep
Add the particle
to keep
show examples
 in touch with classic music. Still,
renewed
Add an article
the renewed
a renewed
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 magazine made research which brings up curious data about
this
 topic and around 70% of younger
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more connected with rock and pop tunes. Bands
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 Nirvana and Blink 182 are leading the top of
rank
Add an article
the rank
show examples
, and that’s a reason for it, the speech is turned to
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
publics
Fix the agreement mistake
public
show examples
, and they are in touch with them
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 social media
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 Instagram and Tik Tok.
In addition
, almost 90% of people around 20 years old are connected by social media and
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 become modern as well will keep in touch with youth. I’m not an expert
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 topic but working as a businessman everyone must change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 mindset and, take the
costumer
Correct your spelling
customer
show examples
 whereas they are,
for instance
 using the modern platform youth are using. In conclusion, classic
concert
Fix the agreement mistake
concerts
show examples
 and who sing and play these styles should invest more
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 market and choose a segment for conquering new
spectator
Fix the agreement mistake
spectators
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. My
advise
Replace the word
advice
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 would be
share
Fix the infinitive
to share
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 more information
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
 and public free shows.
Submitted by murilo.siqueira2012 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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