IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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The
technologies
Use synonyms
 to monitor people's behaviours have been dramatically developed.
This
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 trend causes a new problem of people's privacy.
This
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 essay will discuss the pros and cons of those
technologies
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 and consider whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or not. First of all, in most cases, these inventions are introduced as measures to prevent criminals from taking illegal actions
such
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 as murders and sales of illegal drugs. Actually, the more security cameras have been set up in our city, the less number of
crimes
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 will happen. To prevent
such
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 incidents from occurring which harm citizens, we need a sense of being watched by someone. On
this
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 point, those
technologies
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 have played an important role.
However
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, when it comes to an issue of our privacy, there is a risk that others will abuse the records for wrong purposes
such
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 as stalking.
Thus
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, what we need to consider is how we can eliminate the possibility that someone can abuse the information stored in the database. When we compare the positive impact of these
technologies
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 on our society to the negative effects, I think that the advantages will outweigh the shortcomings in the sense that they have played an extremely important part in preventing
crimes
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 from happening. In conclusion, new
technologies
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 to record what people are saying and doing are quite useful to make our society more secure.
However
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, at the same time, there is
also
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 a problem that they are used for
crimes
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 that they are trying to take away.
Therefore
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, it is ironically necessary for us to consider the ways to stop
crimes
Use synonyms
 taking use of them.

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task achievement
Ensure that all main points are well-supported with specific examples to enhance understanding and depth.
coherence cohesion
Maintain consistent logical flow among paragraphs to further improve coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of technology in surveillance.
coherence cohesion
The essay has clear sections with an introduction, body, and conclusion, effectively structuring the response.
task achievement
The discussion on the role of technology in crime prevention is well-articulated, presenting a clear, relevant idea.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Surveillance
  • Cell phone tracking
  • Security cameras
  • Privacy invasion
  • Data security
  • Crime prevention
  • Transparency
  • Accountability
  • Customer service
  • Misuse of data
  • Breach
  • Identity theft
  • Autonomy
  • Efficiency
  • Psychological impact
  • Awareness
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