IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children playing computer games?

#doctors #computer #games #children #people
In the modern world, doctors are worried about the increasing number of users of
computer
games
 between offspring and young people. We can all agree that
computer
games
 can affect children both positively and negatively.
This
 essay will depict the advantages and disadvantages caused by
this
 phenomenon and the solutions. The benefits of playing
computer
games
 are not difficult to see. Some students are living with a hard schedule because of studying.
Therefore
, they need their own hobbies to reduce their weight. Video
games
 make humans feel achieved similar to working out. Some teenagers are already playing
games
 to heal their weight rates.
As a result
, it can be helpful for offspring to cure their weight and anxiety about their studies by playing
games
.
On the other hand
, there is still no denying that playing
computer
games
 by teenagers has its own drawbacks. It is true that
computer
games
 are leading scions to become addicted and harm offspring’s physical health.
Computer
games
 are extremely addictive as
games
 entice users to make their game characters stronger.
Furthermore
, the longer teenagers spend time in front of the desk while playing
games
, the lower their eyesight because of electromagnetic waves.
For example
, a significant number of young children tend to play online
games
 rather than play outdoors.
Therefore
, it causes high rates of obesity.
Although
 it is true that
computer
games
 give achievement and reduce stress. As has been discussed above, the negative points associated with
computer
games
 outweigh their merits. To solve these disadvantages, students need to reduce their time playing
games
 and do other hobbies
such
 as reading and exercising
instead
.
Submitted by doeun4652 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: