IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Should government make decisions about people’s lifestyle, or should people make their own decisions?

#government #decisions #people’s #lifestyle #people
People have contrasting views, whether the authority or individual
choose
Correct subject-verb agreement
chooses
show examples
 their way of
life
. In my opinion,
however
, I think, if the former selects some of the ideas of living and let the latter
chooses
Correct subject-verb agreement
choose
show examples
the rest
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
life
. On the one hand, fixing a few common rules for citizens by the nation ensures the betterment of the culture. Many habits of living
often
Add a missing verb
are often
show examples
 followed by some which are harmful and unhealthy for them, as well as others. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, in some cases,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can help citizens
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 some
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 choices.
For example
, in the UK, smoking is now banned
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
. And it is even prohibited
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 to smoke in restaurants.
As a result
,
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 who used to go
that
Change preposition
through that
show examples
 habit
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 given up. At the same time, the government has ensured that cigarette price keep going up and there have been several
company
Change to a plural noun
companies
show examples
 have
to highlight
Change the verb form
highlighted
show examples
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 of
this
 action on the packet and
this
 measure is resulting
to
Change preposition
in to
show examples
 go
down
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the rate of smoking.
Nevertheless
, people’s freedom of
choices
Fix the agreement mistake
choice
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
required to select
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own is the better way to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
.
Hence
, each individual residents have the right to make chores for delighting themselves.
For instance
, the teenager has ideas for his strength and to decide his profession for the future.
Furthermore
, if no
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 individual’s daily activities
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 seems everyone
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 the same and there is no competition and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads
no
Change preposition
to no
show examples
 growth
in
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 country and civilians.
For example
, when the doctor has to go for his responsibilities
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 looking after his patients, the famous sportier has to go for hard practices early morning for gaining experience and to win his nation
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
internationally. In conclusion,
nonetheless
, while some aspects must have
lead
Add a missing verb
been lead
show examples
 by the government for lives, it is very important to consider
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
choosing
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the
life
 chores
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals.
Submitted by rdbowalgaha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: