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Band 6.5

Nowadays, doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patient's health, no matter how rich they are. Do you agree or disagree?

#doctors #focus #activities #plastic #surgery #patients #patient #health #matter
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It is advised that
doctors
 concentrate on their patient's
health
 more rather than focus on benefits and money in order to become dwellers. I completely agree with
this
 statement because it can provide more rewards and build trust among
doctors
 and
people
.
First
 of all,
health
 is a very essential thing for every person and when
people
 go to hospitals to get treatment , they trust more on
doctors
 more
instead
 of anything else, and when patients have better treatment from
health
 care, it builds a strong relationship between them .
Hence
,
people
 praise
doctors
 and inspire many other
people
 to use facilities of the same
health
 place. So, it increases the number of patients which helps to increase the chances of
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 a profit.
Second
 of all, the
second
 point is that it improves the doctor's reputation in the area and it attracts the majority of
people
 towards that place. Many expensive
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 are used in plastic surgeries and to look after the rich
people
, but if
doctors
 treat every person as their special patient,
then
 will help to decrease their expenses and time as well.
For example
, if healthcare employees do not provide
such
 amenities ,
then
 they can focus more on other patients which will increase their healthcare system. In conclusion,
although
 expensive treatments are offered in plenty of hospitals to get profit, but to focus on the patient's
health
 will help to improve the doctor's financial condition and trust which matters a lot in the
health
 care system.
Submitted by sonia.devi66971 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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