In some countries, some school leavers choose to work or travel for a year between finishing secondary school and attending to university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and then give your opinion.

#countries #school #leavers #work #travel #year #university

After concluding secondary school, a few school leavers prefer to spend a year travelling or working, before starting their studies at university.

This

essay discusses the merits and drawbacks of

this

phenomenon and explains why I believe that the advantages are greater. There are two main benefits of taking a year's break from studies. The first of these is that people might have the opportunity to experience different careers. By doing so, they may discover a profession they want to pursue in the future.

For instance

, if I had known about an architect's daily routine, I would not have chosen architecture as my major.

Furthermore

, it will be possible to mature a bit before making an important step in life.

This

due to

having time to reflect on themselves and their personal relationships.

However

, there are

also

drawbacks to

this

. The most significant is that it can be challenging to go back to studying after the momentum is gone.

This

is because some people might be already too engaged in work and in need of their salary.

For example

, I found it difficult to stop working from my full-time job to dedicate most of my time to college because I was financially unstable.

In addition

, another downside is family pressure. By not having attended university yet, it can be psychologically exhausting when familiars insist on asking repetitive questions related to future studies. In conclusion, I believe there are merits and drawbacks of a year break between secondary school and university.

However

overall

, I think the advantages of exploring different types of work and having time to personally grow outweigh the disadvantages of sometimes facing difficulties to stop working and possibly having issues with parents' demands.

Moreover

, I feel that family pressure could be minimized by both parties having a mature conversation about life expectations and plans for the future.

Submitted by amandacflago23 on Mon Mar 18 2024

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Task Achievement

To enhance task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the task equally, and expand further on your examples to fully support your points. Clarifying how experiences can directly influence one’s career choice or personal growth can add depth to your arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, your essay shows a well-organized structure with clear paragraphs. To improve, work on connecting your main points more explicitly to the thesis statement and ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs. Additionally, vary your linking phrases to avoid repetition and enhance flow.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

310 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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