IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8.5

Young people who commit crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #crimes #adults
In fact, there are a lot of young folk who have committed crimes in the world. It is a good question to discuss, how they will be punished. In my opinion, teenagers should not be punished in the same way as mature crowd for a variety of reasons.
First
, young nation may do a violation with no idea about the consequences. So, it is not fair to treat them as same as adults.
Second
, young public need to be given a chance to direct their behaviours, morals and principles.
Moreover
, when young society punish like mature community, their future might be at risk. As I mentioned, it is clear that I disagree to punish kids like adults. Kids may commit a transgression with no clue about the result.
For instance
, when a young guy hit his colleague in class and cause a series injuries. In
this
 case, the kid should be treated differently, with intensive care.
In addition
, his parent should explain the mistake he has been through to make it clear him.
Furthermore
, their parents must mentor him regularly. In my view, when early age misconduct there have to be different treatments or punishments to provide them with an opportunity to improve their behaviour, morals and principles. Take my cousin for an example, when he was a kid committed a breach and the obligation of his infraction was moderated due to his age. As result, the police gave him a chance to correct his behaviour. In conclusion, it is obvious that teenagers mustn't be treated as adults or mature when they do misconduct. I recommend coaching them and learning about their mistake.
Submitted by freeabdullah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: