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Writing Samples
Band 4

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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Nowadays, the future of a
country
Use synonyms
 is in the hands of its youth. In a few countries, young
people
Use synonyms
 are more numbers than older
people
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. In
this
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 essay, we will look into the advantages and disadvantages of the above and draw some conclusions.
To begin
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 with, young
people
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 are more beneficial for the
country
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 in many ways.
First
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 of all, young
people
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 are more energetic
hence
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, they will be more productive at work than older
people
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.
In addition
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 to that, young adults are keener to learn and work on new technologies in comparison to older
people
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.
Similarly
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, if a
country
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 has
large
Add an article
a large
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 young
population
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,
then
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 future
population
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 growth will be positive because after the marriage
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 family will
be increase
Change the verb form
be increased
be increasing
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 in size
thus
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, that particular
country
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 doesn’t have to bother about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 growth in the long term.
Secondly
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, Because of the young
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population
Add a comma
,population
show examples
 the pressure on that
country
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's health sector will be minimum and their health sector will be in a far better situation to deal with any pandemic like corona because the immune system of older
people
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 is weak
thus
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 there are more exposed to that particular virus in comparison to young adults.
On the other hand
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,
People
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also
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 argue that in most countries the older
people
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 are running major sectors of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 and
defense
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defence
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 and without
there
Correct your spelling
their
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 experience and expertise young
people
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 cannot manage them. Some
also
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 believe that
although
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
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 are not as energetic as young adults
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
their mental capacity to handle the pressure is far greater than young
people
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. In conclusion, some countries have
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 young
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population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 older
people
Use synonyms
. Factors like more energy,
learning
Correct word choice
and learning
show examples
 new technologies are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 of the advantages of
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 but
on the other hand
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,
experience
Add an article
the experience
show examples
 of older
people
Use synonyms
 and their mental capacity is
also
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 very important. In my opinion,
although
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 the benefits of
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
population
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 are more than
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
population
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but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
for the betterment of the society or
country
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 both are essential to each other and they should work together.
Submitted by sohailbhai4u on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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