For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction

this

Linking Words

ultra-modern epoch, it is considered that purchasing commodities

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

become a source of entertainment for the masses

instead

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of buying what they actually need. I believe

this

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trend is a destructive development as it allure people to waste money and increase their desire for unrealistic items.

Body · 1

To commence with, growth in income has surged the desire for luxurious items among consumers.

In other words

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, even though people follow the latest fashion for a better lifestyle,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they end up being materialistic and acquiring commodities which might not be useful to them in future.

Moreover

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, the masses subconsciously increase their purchasing power without considering their income and

Correct article usage

the

show examples

flow

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

savings. To cite an epitome, a headline published by ‘ TheTimes of India in 2010, revealed that shoppers spend 45% of their savings on buying useless items.

Therefore

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, it can be argued without any scepticism that buying goods for personal pleasure can lead to financial loss.

Body · 2

Furthermore

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, the conception of acquiring goods is prompted when an individual wants to spend their leisure time. To elaborate, a chunk of society believes that shopping is a relaxing therapy, a recreational exercise that satisfies human needs.

However

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this

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feeling transformed the individual into a materialistic man because they always feel that only shopping can make them feel relaxed.

For example

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, a report by BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) in 2012, found that 55% of the population went shopping because they feel bored or free.

Hence

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, it can be truly said that consuming merchandise to spend leisure time can have a detrimental effect on a person’s personality.

Conclusion

In conclusion,

although

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consuming goods as a part of basic necessity are valuable,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

when

this

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purchasing habit becomes a part of personal pleasure

then

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it is a disappointing change because it has shortcomings

such

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as wastage of income and a feeling of greediness

also

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occur.

sonalidhir278

Oct 29, 2022

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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