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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #children #information #internet #study #home
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One of the most controversial issues today relates to whether
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 can look for information
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available
availbable
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available
on
Change preposition
in
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 cyberspace, even
they
Correct word choice
if they
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 can learn at home, so schools aren’t necessary. From my perspective, I partly agree
on
Change preposition
with
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this
Linking Words
 problem. On the one hand, there are some
clearly
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clear
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 benefits
on
Change preposition
for
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 the students
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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individual
Change the adjective
individually
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 at home.
Firstly
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, it can create teenagers the best way they learn
such
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 as build some interesting ideas on their exercises by
use
Wrong verb form
using
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Correct your spelling
software
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 for study, …
Secondly
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, youngsters don’t need to move to school.
Finally
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,
a
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apply
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private space will help them a
highly
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high
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quality
Replace the word
qualified
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 for students.
On the other hand
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, learning by themselves is enormous
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
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.
Firstly
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, it will be harmful that pupils lose their
concentrate
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concentration
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 on their exercises,
such
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 as games,
social
Correct word choice
and social
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 networks, …
Secondly
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,
wifi
Correct article usage
the wifi
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 connection isn’t good
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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 in many far regions. The more they
use
Correct pronoun usage
ituse
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, the weaker wifi gets.
Last
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 but not least, it can cause many
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
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 like eyes, not good for their health, … In general, there are many disadvantages and advantages
on
Change preposition
to
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this
Linking Words
 issue.
Submitted by bttha.qn on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social development
  • fostering communication
  • personalized guidance
  • immediate feedback
  • replicated
  • structured environments
  • discipline
  • time management skills
  • extracurricular activities
  • nurture talents
  • inculcate
  • sense of community
  • shared learning experiences
  • equal access
  • learning opportunities
What to do next:
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