IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some young people like to copy the behavior and clothes of famous people today. Why might this be the case? What problems can it cause? Give your opinions

In the modern era, there has been an increase in young
people
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 imitating the fashion and behaviour of well-known figures.
This
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 trend is largely influenced by
media
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 exposure and the desire for social acceptance.
However
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, it can lead to various negative consequences for individuals and society. These days, social
media
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 has become an important thing for youth as they spend most of their time on social
media
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 following
celebrities
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 and becoming influenced by their lifestyles and behaviours.
Celebrities
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 often share their personal lives, outfits, and habits online, making it easy for young fans to see and copy them.
However
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, trying to copy expensive fashion trends can lead to financial pressure on young
people
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 and their families. Some may feel the need to buy branded clothes or follow popular trends even when they cannot afford them, leading to unnecessary spending or debt. Another reason is that
celebrities
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 are often seen as successful, wealthy, and popular, which can be aspirational for young
people
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. Young ones might believe that copying famous
people
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 will appear attractive and be accepted by their peers, boosting their self-esteem and creating a sense of belonging.
Although
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 young
people
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 admire
celebrities
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 and see them as role models, many
celebrities
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 promote unrealistic lifestyles or behaviours,
such
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 as partying, unhealthy body images, or materialism. If young
people
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 try to copy these without understanding the consequences, it may affect their mental health, self-esteem, or values. In conclusion,
while
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 it's natural for young
people
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 to look up to public figures because of the influence of
media
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 and the desire for acceptance,
this
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 can cause financial, emotional, and social issues if not handled carefully. It is important for them to think critically and not lose their identity. Parents and educators should help guide young
people
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 to develop confidence in themselves and understand the difference between admiration and blind imitation.

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task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. Try to improve your main points with more specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
Overall, your ideas are organized well. You can make your essay flow better by using more linking words between sentences.
task achievement
Your conclusion nicely sums up your views on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You explain why young people copy celebrities clearly, which is good for understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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