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Band 5

Write about the following topic. The most important function of music is that it helps people reduce stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #function #music #people #stress
People
 believed
music
 is a fundamental factor in their lives
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the most prominent factor that helps humans is to reduce
stress
 through listening to songs or
either
Correct determiner usage
apply
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instrumental
music
, but some
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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opponents claim that
this
 is distracting and disturbing.
However
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,However
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 I agree that
music
reduce
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reduces
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 our
stress
 and my point of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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 about
this
Correct your spelling
statement
statements
statments
Correct your spelling
statement
 will be adequately discussed in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, from
ancient
Correct article usage
the ancient
show examples
 era
people
 held different views about listening to songs. Humans used
harmony
Replace the word
harmonious
show examples
 sounds to relax their hormones,
evidently
Add a comma
,evidently
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this
 type of hormone is called endorphins which
is
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are
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 stored in moods of singing and happiness of
people
,
eventually
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,eventually
show examples
this
 will reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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stress
 of
people
. As an example, one of my friends always listens to
music
, which she tells us that it helps her to fight with
stress
Add an article
the stress
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 she is going through, especially while she is at work she
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 to listen to songs over and over again to keep her warm up
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
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 the day.
Therefore
music
 is one of the best ways to relieve your
stress
.
On the other hand
, listening to
music
 is one of
a
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apply
show examples
therapy for
people
, specifically for
people
 who are working
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 a
stress
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stressful
show examples
 environment
such
 as doctors and teachers. As an example, doctors play
a
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an
show examples
 enormous role, during
a
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an
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 operation inside the theatre some doctors ask to play
music
 to deprive themselves
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the
stress
Replace the word
stressful
show examples
 situation they are going through.
In other words
, to conclude I strongly agree that
music
 is the most common way to combat
stress
 because it
release
Change the verb form
releases
show examples
 a certain kind of hormone to relax
people
 and
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 as a therapy.
Submitted by wathsala.lekamge1997 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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