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Band 7

Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for childre. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #stories #books #tv #computer #games #childre
I do believe all of the
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 activities are helping the learning process in their own ways.
In other words
, if we want to maximalize the learning output, we should not force offspring to only do one of these activities. Reading stories in books has special advantages,
such
 as helping stimulate children's imagination, preparing them to become more familiar with new vocabulary, and having a systematic way of thinking.
For example
, when offspring read a story about a girl enjoying her breakfast, usually the author would
also
 describe the breakfast situation in detail,
such
 as what was the meal, how was it tasted, where she ate, et cetera. These little details really help offspring to have a better understanding of language use.
On the other hand
, watching TV and playing computer games have their own unique benefits. Watching animation could become a refreshing activity which can be enjoyed with other family members. It
also
 provides a better visualized storytelling experience.
Additionally
, solving challenges in computer games is good for critical thinking which might help children in the decision-making process in real life.
To sum up
, I believe the choice of learning activity has to be customized to each child's needs
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and needs to be combined in a proportional way to produce greater positive impacts. Parents can make reading book schedules for every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Watching TV on Thursday and Saturday, and the rest of the week playing computer games.
This
 will become a fun learning experience for children.
Submitted by brendaandrina on

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task achievement
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, try to develop each point with more detailed examples or explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is coherent, ensure that the transitions between ideas are smoother. This can be achieved by using more linking phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-organized structure with clear paragraphs.
task achievement
You have successfully responded to the task by discussing both reading books and watching TV/playing computer games.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, like the detailed breakfast description in a story, which illustrates your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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