Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

Many individuals transfer online
money
via the Internet or smartphones to friends, families, and businesses. In my opinion, while
this
system has various potential risks, it
also
includes many benefits.
People
using online transaction services may be hacked, make an error or receive phishing emails. On the one hand, they may be hacked by cybercrime as they reveal too much personal information, like the number of credit cards on social media.
On the other hand
, cybercrime may send banking users phishing emails, appealing
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
to click on links, so e-crime can hack their banking accounts to steal
money
. Victims of these scams are usually old
people
as they lack vigilance toward those cheats.
However
,
this
advancement brings many benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
’s lives. The most frequently cited rationale for transferring online
money
is convenience. The argument rests on the fact that residents can make bank transactions with ease while they are staying at home. In the past, when
people
wanted to transfer
money
to others, they had to go to the bank and wait in lines to use the service.
Moreover
,
this
development helps
people
keep their record of transactions, so they can easily find errors timely when someone is trying to hack their banking account. In conclusion, while
this
development has many drawbacks, it
also
includes many merits to improve the quality of human lives. In my point of view, the government should have some reasonable policies to improve banking security as well as restrict e-crime in the future.
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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