In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility

It is certainly true that nowadays teenagers are not taking care of their bodies which results

that

Change preposition

show examples

them having problems with obesity.

However

, Some think that public authority is responsible for

this

issue. I partially agree with

this

statement and share my views in the upcoming paragraphs.

To begin

with, at present

junk

food

is to be prone to obesity. Companies are propelled to sell a portion of

food

which is unhealthy for

children

through advertisements on television.

Hence

, the government is not taking action against them and allowing them to sell

this

food

For instance

, restaurants like KFC are promoting their

kid's

Change noun form

kids'

show examples

meals

in advertisements which give birth to many diseases

such

as making them fat.

Furthermore

, public administrations should divert their focus to health awareness campaigns

instead

of giving ads for

junk

food

.The reason is that it can motivate teens to have healthy

meals

in their everyday routine.

Hence

, with

this

, an initiative

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can propel them to stay fit and

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

a nutritious diet. A good example is research done by Toronto

university

Capitalize word

University

show examples

Change preposition

in that

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

the Canadian government

starts

Wrong verb form

started

show examples

a campaign to motivate people to healthy

food

and

also

tried to ban

junk

food

for

children

On the contrary

Parents

must provide homemade

food

rather than artificial

food

This

is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

homemade

food

has more nutrients.

Parents

are busy with their hectic schedules jobs.

Thus

, they do not get time for

food

.That's why

children

start

meals

with their friends. So,

parents

should pay attention to their teens and help them to eat

food

which makes them physically fit. In conclusion, the higher authorities should ban

junk

foods for

children

and start campaigns for

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

healthy diets and

parents

must pay attention to healthy

meals

for

children

Submitted by komal03892 on Mon Oct 31 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Ensure to fully address all parts of the essay question. Make sure your examples are directly relevant to the topic to ensure clarity and precision.

coherence cohesion

Continue to use a clear logical structure. Work on improving the organization and connection of ideas within and between paragraphs for better coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

288 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
It has been suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, there has been a tremendous increase in the number of individuals questioning whether the adolscents will demonstrate better leadership skills than the older generation. While some may strongly disagree, I firmly believe that the youths have better skills in leading the companies than old people. From my perspective, this will not only facilitate the collaberative work between employees, but also they would use the technology to further invest in employees’ potential.
6.5
band
Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to information in many countries. This is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, modern technology already has involved people’s daily quite frequently and deeply. Some suppose that it is really negative to permit people to visit global information so quick and convenient, while I partly agree with this opinion.
7.5
band
Task 2 Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree ?
Nowadays, there are many foods and beverages that have high carbohydrate content in them, leading to many diseases such as cancer and heart attack. In order to minimize this, a statement that sweet products should be sold at high prices where the public will avoid purchasing these products. Personally, I disagree with this statement to some extent which will be discussed below.
<4
band
Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
There is no doubt technology techange the life of humanbeing , espically social madia has strong impact in communication , personally i agree with this statment and i will discuss this issue more in my essay.
8
band
In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country , while others believe the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, remunerations are being allocated exorbitantly. For many, this practice is a means to make the country better. However, others opine that the cash flow should be regulated and minimised. In this essay, although both sides of the argument will be discussed, I strongly believe that salaries should be disbursed as much as possible.

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It has been suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to information in many countries. This is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Task 2 Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree ?

Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country , while others believe the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.