In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is certainly true that nowadays teenagers are not taking care of their bodies which results

that

Change preposition

show examples

them having problems with obesity.

However

Linking Words

, Some think that public authority is responsible for

this

Linking Words

issue. I partially agree with

this

Linking Words

statement and share my views in the upcoming paragraphs.

To begin

Linking Words

with, at present

junk

Use synonyms

food

Use synonyms

is to be prone to obesity. Companies are propelled to sell a portion of

food

Use synonyms

which is unhealthy for

children

Use synonyms

through advertisements on television.

Hence

Linking Words

, the government is not taking action against them and allowing them to sell

this

Linking Words

food

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, restaurants like KFC are promoting their

kid's

Change noun form

kids'

show examples

meals

Use synonyms

in advertisements which give birth to many diseases

such

Linking Words

as making them fat.

Furthermore

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, public administrations should divert their focus to health awareness campaigns

instead

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of giving ads for

junk

Use synonyms

food

Use synonyms

.The reason is that it can motivate teens to have healthy

meals

Use synonyms

in their everyday routine.

Hence

Linking Words

, with

this

Linking Words

, an initiative

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can propel them to stay fit and

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

a nutritious diet. A good example is research done by Toronto

university

Capitalize word

University

show examples

Change preposition

in that

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

the Canadian government

starts

Wrong verb form

started

show examples

a campaign to motivate people to healthy

food

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and

also

Linking Words

tried to ban

junk

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food

Use synonyms

for

children

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On the contrary

Linking Words

Parents

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must provide homemade

food

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rather than artificial

food

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

homemade

food

Use synonyms

has more nutrients.

Parents

Use synonyms

are busy with their hectic schedules jobs.

Thus

Linking Words

, they do not get time for

food

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.That's why

children

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start

meals

Use synonyms

with their friends. So,

parents

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should pay attention to their teens and help them to eat

food

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which makes them physically fit. In conclusion, the higher authorities should ban

junk

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foods for

children

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and start campaigns for

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

healthy diets and

parents

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must pay attention to healthy

meals

Use synonyms

for

children

Use synonyms

komal03892Mon Oct 31 2022

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task response

Ensure to fully address all parts of the essay question. Make sure your examples are directly relevant to the topic to ensure clarity and precision.

coherence cohesion

Continue to use a clear logical structure. Work on improving the organization and connection of ideas within and between paragraphs for better coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

288 words

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In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, it is possible to buy a wide variety of foods, which have been transported from all over the world. Do the benefits of this development outweigh its drawbacks?

It's time to ban social media. It has been shown that it has made life worse for people all over the world, from politics, to self-image, to the spread of disinformation. It's a social experiment that hasn't worked and it's time to say goodbye. To what extent, do you agree to the above statement.

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people believe that girls and boys should be teach in same school. Others, however, believe that girls can perform better when educated in single sex school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as cooperative skills. What are the causes? Suggest possible solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience