In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility

It is certainly true that nowadays teenagers are not taking care of their bodies which results

that

Change preposition

show examples

them having problems with obesity.

However

, Some think that public authority is responsible for

this

issue. I partially agree with

this

statement and share my views in the upcoming paragraphs.

To begin

with, at present

junk

food

is to be prone to obesity. Companies are propelled to sell a portion of

food

which is unhealthy for

children

through advertisements on television.

Hence

, the government is not taking action against them and allowing them to sell

this

food

For instance

, restaurants like KFC are promoting their

kid's

Change noun form

kids'

show examples

meals

in advertisements which give birth to many diseases

such

as making them fat.

Furthermore

, public administrations should divert their focus to health awareness campaigns

instead

of giving ads for

junk

food

.The reason is that it can motivate teens to have healthy

meals

in their everyday routine.

Hence

, with

this

, an initiative

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can propel them to stay fit and

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

a nutritious diet. A good example is research done by Toronto

university

Capitalize word

University

show examples

Change preposition

in that

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

the Canadian government

starts

Wrong verb form

started

show examples

a campaign to motivate people to healthy

food

and

also

tried to ban

junk

food

for

children

On the contrary

Parents

must provide homemade

food

rather than artificial

food

This

is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

homemade

food

has more nutrients.

Parents

are busy with their hectic schedules jobs.

Thus

, they do not get time for

food

.That's why

children

start

meals

with their friends. So,

parents

should pay attention to their teens and help them to eat

food

which makes them physically fit. In conclusion, the higher authorities should ban

junk

foods for

children

and start campaigns for

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

healthy diets and

parents

must pay attention to healthy

meals

for

children

Submitted by komal03892 on Mon Oct 31 2022

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task response

Ensure to fully address all parts of the essay question. Make sure your examples are directly relevant to the topic to ensure clarity and precision.

coherence cohesion

Continue to use a clear logical structure. Work on improving the organization and connection of ideas within and between paragraphs for better coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

288 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

using translation is good or bad. both view and your opinion

#Health - "Prevention is better than cure." Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? (IELTS 2, AC)

Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Pollution around the world is becoming a serious problem. Do you think this is a problem that should be solved internationally or at a local level?

In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. With increased use of computers, the internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?