IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that people should not continue to work one they reach the age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from experience.

#believe #people #work #age #retirement
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some may argue that after a specific
age
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 , which is called
retirement
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, workers should not continue working while
some
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apply
show examples
others share the idea that if they are both willing and qualified there should not be banned from continuing their
career
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careers
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.I personally believe that there are pros and cons to both ideas ,
however
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, accepting
an
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a
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 specific
age
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 for
retirement
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 will bring more benefits than drawbacks. Older
people
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's
retirement
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 is necessary for
society
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 due to numerous reasons ,
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initially
Add a comma
,initially
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 older
people
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 can be replaced by youngsters who are more familiar with new technologies
consequently
Linking Words
 they can complete their tasks much
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more accurate
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accurate
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accurately
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 and faster.I would like to share new findings of a research group from the Harvard business school about what benefits can bring to firms by retiring their old staff and replacing them with a young skilled workforce. They have found that young and professional workers not only can use achieve the firm's aims in a shorter period but
also
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 can level up companies with the help of their new ideas as well as better performance in understanding
society
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's needs.
such
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 as finding a gap in the market and creating a gadget for a group of
people
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 who were not the company's customers before ,faster than the rival company which has workers with a higher
age
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 average. considering what I provided,
retirement
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's key plus point is that it can bring job positions to youngsters and more achievement for firms. On the other ,hand the major drawback of
retirement
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age
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 is that some elderly
people
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 after their
retirement
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age
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 go through a crucial crisis due to financial problems ,especially in countries
such
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 as the United State of America which do not provide any pension scheme that can easily lead to income problems for older
people
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 after their
retirement
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. All in All, as I am fully aware of
retirement
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 problems,
society
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 levels up by providing more job positions for young and skilled
people
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 who can run our
society
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further
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 by what they bring for firms, still is more convincing for me.so I think its benefits are more than its drawbacks.
Submitted by samarheydari76 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • financial security
  • physical and mental health
  • youth unemployment
  • job opportunities
  • fresh perspectives
  • hobbies and interests
  • passionate workers
  • flexible retirement options
  • social security
  • recuperate
  • decades of hard work
  • contribute skills and experience
  • financial difficulties
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