IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

International sporting events like the Olympics and football World Cup place huge financial burdens on host national that cannot be justified. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#events #olympics #football #world #cup #place #burdens #host
Organisation
Add an article
The organisation
show examples
 of great tournaments
such
 as
football
Correct article usage
the football
show examples
 World Cup and Olympics is believed to be a big money pit for
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 host.
Although
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 events cost a lot,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
development of tourism,
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in
happiness
Add an article
the happiness
show examples
 of residents make them a good investment.
Firstly
such
 a big event happening in the
country
 leads to
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
 infrastructure. While people visit the
country
, competition between hotels, restaurants cafes and other facilities increases. International standards are being integrated.
Consequently
,
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 becomes more convenient for tourists after the tournament as well, meanwhile if the competition didn't happen the
country
 would be less preferable for tourists in future.
Second
Add an article
The second
show examples
 reason is psychological. Events taking place every day, people
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 you've never seen before. All
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 activities create a unique atmosphere of something special,
consequently
, people are filled
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 emotions they have never had and situations they would never face.
In other
words
Add a comma
,words
show examples
 while
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the world is following the news from that event, residents of that
country
 are
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
epicenter
Change the spelling
epicentre
show examples
 of these activities and the happiness it brings
worth
Add a missing verb
is worth
show examples
 the money spent on it. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 emotional
Correct your spelling
fulfilment
fulfillness
Correct your spelling
fulfilment
 of residents and
further
 economical development bring a lot of benefits to the host
country
.
Submitted by sanasaryan.gar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: