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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that the population in many countries nowadays is ageing at an astounding pace, which imposes financial burdens on national
healthcare
Use synonyms
 systems.
Therefore
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, some suggest that individuals should be responsible for their medical
costs
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. Yet by considering equal access to the
healthcare
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 system for inhabitants from different backgrounds, I disagree with
this
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 idea.
To begin
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 with, if
ones
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one
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 to pay for medical
costs
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,
people
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 from disadvantaged backgrounds will fail to receive treatments from hospitals. Undoubtedly, the
costs
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 of curing some major diseases,
such
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 as cancer or heart disease are exorbitant. Yet the poor who have contracted these diseases cannot afford
such
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 prohibitive
costs
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.
For instance
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, a whole treatment process for lung cancer would cost over 100 thousand dollars
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while
Correct word choice
and
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 it is rather impossible for poor
people
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 to provide that much money.
As a result
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, they will end up giving up receiving medical treatments since hospitals and other medical organisations will refuse to help them. On top of that, elder
people
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 will
also
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 find it difficult to sustain their lives if they have to pay for medical
costs
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. Most
people
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 aged over 65 are retired and their incomes are normally less than the salaries they earned when they were still working.
Nevertheless
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, we cannot deny that old
people
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 are prone to health problems and their
costs
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 of
healthcare
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 seem to increase with age.
Therefore
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, if governments no longer afford medical bills, a large proportion of elders have to spend most of their incomes and savings on treating age-related problems, which will inevitably reduce their spare money and affect their living quality adversely. In conclusion,
This
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 essay disagrees that individuals should pay their
healthcare
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 bills for the sake of groups of old
people
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 and
people
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 from less well-off backgrounds. In my opinion, receiving
medical
Correct article usage
a medical
show examples
curing
Replace the word
cure
show examples
 is a basic right for everyone.
Therefore
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 governments should ensure
people
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 in their countries are entitled to free
healthcare
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.

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task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Use real-life examples to make your arguments more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your ideas are logically linked throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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