IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

shopping has become a favourite pasttime among young people. Do you think they must be encouraged to do other things rather than shoppings.

#favourite #pasttime #people #shoppings
Nowadays with technology getting
evoluting
Correct your spelling
evolution
, so many
things
Add the auxiliary verb
havethings
show examples
 been created only for attracting people's eye but without functions, at the same time, these interesting stuff
intrige
Correct your spelling
intrigue
 young people to buy. But I think they must be encouraged to do other
things
 rather than
Fix the agreement mistake
shopping
show examples
shoppings
Correct your spelling
shopping
show examples
.
First
of
Correct pronoun usage
allof
show examples
, buying
things
 too much can be wasteful.
For example
, I have a 20 years cousin who always
buy
Change the verb form
buys
show examples
 a lot of cosmetics, but never
finish
Correct subject-verb agreement
finishes
show examples
 one. she even forgot what she
Correct your spelling
buys
buyed
Correct your spelling
bought
show examples
then
 buy the same foundation again in 1 month.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the end, most of the cosmetics she
Correct your spelling
buys
buyed
Correct your spelling
bought
show examples
 over the due date,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is so waste.
In addition
, shopping
also
 means
lost
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
money
, if a person does not have
properties
Fix the agreement mistake
property
show examples
,
moreover
, poor at managing
money
 and always buy
things
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
check
Wrong verb form
checking
show examples
 the budget, he/she would
facing
Change the verb form
face
be facing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bill which is unaffordable every month.
Then
, if something
emergencies
Fix the agreement mistake
emergency
show examples
 happened, they cannot deal with it.
Since managing
Change preposition
Managing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 is much
difficult
Correct quantifier usage
more difficult
show examples
 than
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 it. so I think it is better for young communities to learn how to manage it. Learning
things
 may not
fun
Add a missing verb
be fun
show examples
 and get challenging, but if the people who
Correct your spelling
succeed
suceed
Correct your spelling
succeed
 learned how to save
money
,
not
Correct word choice
and not
show examples
 only spent on it, they would become more confident themselves.
Submitted by LANPING WU on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: