IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Topic: Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#topic #people #boys #girls #schools #benefit
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
in the concurrent era, education is important for
both
 genders. the debate
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that the majority of people believe that co-education is more helpful for children
while
 others contradict that separate school for girls and boys is more productive. The following paragraph highlights
both
 perspectives which will lead to my opinion in conclusion. on the one hand, education is a basic need for every child. the separate classes are good for learning because of given aspects of myriads of reasons.
Firstly
,
both
 genders are different from each other because their upbringing is far apart so it is good to teach them separately because they learn confidently and do not hesitate to take part in class activities and projects.
Secondly
, teachers can adopt a method
that is
 good for the environment, especially biological aspects. Some students are not extroverts they do not ask questions to the staff because of their confidence.
For example
, in Muslim countries, female students do not speak a single word in class.
On the other hand
, the same schooling for girls and boys is beneficial for
both
 personal and professional areas.
In addition
, students are capable of group projects and do not hesitate to learn something new.
Additionally
, it will help them in future when they interact with
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 they cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with others easily.
For instance
, women and men are icing on the cake to flourish the business. to recapitulate, for the aforementioned reasons, I believe mixed-gender learning is more beneficial for learning because innumerable factors will help them in the future and learn how to engage with the opposite gene.
Submitted by alviusman18 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your argument more clearly. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that your points flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Include more specific and varied examples to completely support your arguments. This will help demonstrate your points more effectively.
task achievement
Aim to expand on your ideas more thoroughly to make them clear and comprehensive. Providing more detailed explanations will add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion of both viewpoints and indicates your personal opinion, which is a strong way to start.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your perspective on the issue, neatly bringing the essay to a close.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: