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Band 4.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make desicions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #desicions
It is often discussed that
children
 deciding on their own
choices
 could lead to individualism. While
this
 might be true because kids tend to be concerned about themselves, minding their own
choices
 could grow the sense of decision-making process in the future life.
Children
Correct your spelling
possess
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posses
Correct your spelling
possess
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 arrogant and individual behaviour naturally. They always want to be prioritized and specialized in everything. If they are given an opportunity to choose, many people are afraid that
this
 individuality will worsen, leading
children
 to be arrogant when they grow up.
For example
, kids who continuously eat
a
Correct article usage
apply
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sugary
diets
Correct the article-noun agreement
diet
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 because they crave it might see an obesity issue when they are adults. Obese people are often reluctant to change their diets because the bad habit
have
Change the verb form
has
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 already
incorporated
Add a missing verb
been incorporated
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in
Change preposition
into
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 their lifestyle for a long time, making
the
Correct article usage
apply
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lifestyle changes is a hard thing to do.
In other words
, there should be a limitation on the freedom level
that is
 given to
children
.
On the other hand
, giving
children
 freedom of choice could teach them how the decision-making process works. In real life, people make many decisions with a lot of considerations. By allowing them to make their own
choices
, they will get used to making
choices
 with its considerations.
For instance
, a young person who is given liberation in choosing what clothes to wear tends to be more fashionable when they are adults.
Thus
, permitting them to make decisions at a young age could prepare them
facing
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to face
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 a more complex
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 in the future. In conclusion, while allowing kids to make their own decision at a young age could spark individualist behaviour, it might teach them to do better in
decision-making
Add an article
the decision-making
show examples
 process.
Submitted by hpanduhimawan on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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