Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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Smartphones

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have become a popular toy for our young generation meanwhile, it has taken most of our children's

time

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which creates a lot of concern.

While

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some state that it has a positive effect, others argue that it has more shortfalls. In

this

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essay, I will discuss why youth spend hours on mobile gadgets and, at the same

time

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, specify why I believe they have drawbacks to the development of young adults.

To begin

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with, children enjoy playing on

smartphones

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for various reasons. The popularity of mobile apps attracted the interest of children whereby spend most of their

time

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on them.

For instance

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, TikTok, Facebook and video makers are favourite apps, which students use on a daily basis. Mind-blowing online games have increased

popularity

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in popularity

show examples

. PUBG is a mobile game that our young enjoy playing

while

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talking to each other at the same

time

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. Despite all these reasons, sticking to

smartphones

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has a detrimental effect on a child's development.

While

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spending lengthy hours on

smartphones

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, current generations tend to lose their social skills.

This

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is a consequence of distracted attention from performing normal activities of daily living

such

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as house chores and outdoor duties.

Additionally

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, students who are interested in their mobile phones become less active physically. Most develop obesity and become physically unfit. In conclusion, attractive mobile apps and games cause prolonged usage of phones by youth. I believe

this

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produces a diminishing effect on them through loss of social activity and negative health impact which should draw the attention of decision-makers.

Submitted by halaapiapi1984 on Tue Apr 09 2024

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task achievement

It’s important to further develop your supporting examples to make your argument stronger. Specifically, including concrete data or studies could solidify your points.

coherence cohesion

Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and engage the reader. This can also help to more vividly express your ideas.

task achievement

While discussing the disadvantages, continuing with examples, as you started, would maintain consistency and make your argumentation stronger.

coherence cohesion

Use more transition words or phrases to ensure smoother flow between paragraphs and within them. This can enhance coherence.

task achievement

You have done well in providing a balanced view on the subject, by discussing both the attraction of smartphones and the associated negative outcomes.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well structured, providing a clear overview of your essay’s direction and summarizing the main points effectively.

coherence cohesion

You have used a range of vocabulary aptly suited to the topic, which enhances the quality of the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Happiness is often considered difficult to define. Why is this? What factors determine happiness?

You recently went on a trip with a friend and you both took some photographs. Write a litter to your friend. In your letter ask your friend to send you cone of the photographs explain why you need that particular photograph and tell your friend what happened to your copy of it

You recently attended a meeting at a hotel. When you return home, you found you had left some important papers at the hotel. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. -Explain the problem. -Say why the documents are important. -Suggest a solution.