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Band 4

In many countries it is now illegal to advertise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #alcohol
Nowadays
ligalization
Correct your spelling
legalisation
 of
alcohol
 promotion is approved in many lands in the world. Personally, I would argue that
this
 has both positive and negative implications. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and try to draw some conclusions. The reason why I disagree with the statement is that some little children and teenagers (9-18 years old) can get some idea or interest to use
alcohol
.
According to
general
Correct article usage
a general
show examples
phycology
Correct your spelling
psychology
show examples
 study of kids, their brains don’t have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to think critically and filter some information.
For example
, when my friend Dorj was a secondary school student, he watched
advertisement
Correct article usage
an advertisement
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 vodka on his TV. Afterwards, he decided to try it.
As a result
, he
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 addicted to
this
 drink. Now Dorj always
regret
Change the verb form
regrets
show examples
 that he drank that vodka when he was a stupid little kid.
However
,
legalization
Correct article usage
the legalization
show examples
 of advertising
alcohol
 can support people’s businesses which are providing some workplaces and salaries. It is not
secret
Correct article usage
a secret
show examples
 that the TV, bloggers, influencers, websites and so on get money by promoting
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
show examples
 of drinks.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 they
are become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
show examples
wealthier, which could be one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 significant
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
show examples
 to
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economy. For instance, my brother has a TV company, which always
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 some advertisements
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
alcohols
Fix the agreement mistake
alcohol
show examples
.
Thus
, all his employees,
such
 as actors,
actreses
Correct your spelling
actresses
, security guards,
interviewers
Correct word choice
and interviewers
show examples
 are financially stable. To draw a conclusion, it is clear to me that
although
 there are advantages to
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
show examples
alcohol
, there are
also
 drawbacks.
This
 process of
alcohol
 advertisement should continue but with regulations on
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 of demonstrating it.
Submitted by Angie  on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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