IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
It is a matter of debate that a group of people who support adolescents have to be available to do unpaid
work
 for the
community
 in their leisure
time
. from that perspective younger youth get an advantage as well as the
community
. I strongly support and agree with
this
 laid statement. my inclination is argued
further
 in the ensuing paragraphs. To commence with support, it can be explained that when younger
children
 meet new people who are elder than them
consequently
 ideas of thoughts get exchanged with them. That's why career-related and the experience as they gain valuable information which helps in the future. ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
 if elderly people
work
 in a multinational company, so
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
 that group of teens get references for finding a job.
In addition
, the other view to prove my point is that
children
 learn
time
 management in their life that how all
work
 to do on
time
. That's why
that teenagers
Change the determiner
that teenager
those teenagers
show examples
 becomes responsible in their family, it will help them. apart from that if a scholar child
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
poor
children
 in the terms of academic
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
community
 get improved.
For instance
,
last
 year my scholar friend went to a rural area and taught all poor
children
throughout
Change preposition
for
show examples
one year. So eventually all weak students got cleared the board examination due to my friend. So
this
 is the way the
community
 will develop. Overall, to conclude with the discussion and it can be said that if younger youth do
work
 for the
community
 without taking any money. So definitely the city can improve and at the same
time
 these adolescents gain different experiences, learn communication skills and so on.
Submitted by meetjsoni23 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: