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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age . Discuss both views and give your opinion?

There is an argument between
pair
Correct article usage
a pair
show examples
 of groups of individuals.
Although
Linking Words
 the first one believes that children should already commence getting an education before the age of seven the second one thinks that they can exclusively after seven years old . In my opinion , offspring cannot start studying from early years because at that time he out to enjoy his childhood. On the
right
Correct word choice
other
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 hand, there are some
parents
Use synonyms
 who know that children should be free until that age . There is a theory that if they spend their childhood as a normal
child
Use synonyms
then
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 in the next stages of life they might be successful Take
for example
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 Kasper Rorsted who is the owner of the popular Adidas brand.
According to
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 him in fact that their family was not so rich his childhood passed happily. His
parents
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 allowed almost everything because he was an obedient
child
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. After those years he completed his studies with excellent grades.
Consequently
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, he became one of the most successful people in the world.
On the other hand
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 , several children begin learning from an early age
due to
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 the demands of their
parents
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 . The offspring stop enjoying his life.
For instance
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, a
child
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 sits at home and does his studies and suddenly his friends call him to play outside but his
parents
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 do not allow it. From that moment he has conflicts with his
parents
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, and he could feel lonely like a bird in a cage .
Also
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 , he may start to separate from society.
As a result
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, even though he might be dissatisfied with his life it will be the fault of his
parents
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. In conclusion, I think that though studying is certainly necessary for a
child
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 in due time they out to run, jump, make new friends and play with them.

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task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your ideas by using linking words and phrases to connect your sentences and paragraphs more cohesively.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points and ensure they are closely related to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use correct grammar and sentence structures to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different viewpoints.
task achievement
The example of Kasper Rorsted is a strong illustration of your point about the importance of childhood freedom.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Social interactions
  • Formative years
  • Curiosity
  • Structured environments
  • Preschool activities
  • Unstructured play
  • Developmental pace
  • Emotional and social skills
  • Undue stress and pressure
  • Natural development
  • Informal learning methods
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