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In some countries workers have to retire when they reach a certain age such as 65 in other parts of the world they are encouraged to continue working for as long as the better alternative, are you agree or disagree?

#countries #workers #age #parts #world #alternative
In some countries workers have to retire when they reach a certain
age
such
 as 65 in other parts of the world they are encouraged to continue working for as long as the better alternative, are you agree or disagree? Nowadays, the
retirement
age
 is 65 in some societies while in others there is no
limitation
Replace the word
limited
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age
 for
retirement
 unless finding out an alternative .
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 65 is an appropriate time for
retirement
, the ability of
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 for working shouldn't be ignored. Given that,there is a whole range of factors for working
such
 as
age
,stress,tendency and so on.In most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
developing countries
Add a comma
,
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these days life is full of hectics,
that is
 why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is fair to consider an
age
 for ending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment .and there is a
difinite
Correct your spelling
definite
 link between
age
 and Job efficiency ,
for example
, in Iran, the maximum
age
 for working at government offices is 65 and after that employees should be retired because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 in terms of
age
 their capability for continuing the
work
 is decreased and they need to rest.
on the other hand
,
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 developed countries people benefit from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stable physical and mental conditions,
therefore
 officials are of the opinion that underestimating the importance of experience is not logical and they let workers
to
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apply
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maintain
in
Change preposition
apply
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their job as long as they transfer their knowledge and experiences to new
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
.
for instance
, in Canada, employees are encouraged to stay with new
personal
Replace the word
personnel
show examples
 and continue their
work
 while training them. To
some
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 up, there is some legal limitation for
age
Add an article
the age
an age
show examples
 of
retirement
. In my opinion, there is a vast difference between people's abilities and their situations,and it is better to continue the
work
 as long as the individuals are able to stay at
work
 and they are willing to
work
. Afsaneh
fattahi
Correct your spelling
Fattah
 Ac Ielts
Submitted by TUTOO on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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