IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples form your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays, a majority of population overuse the supplements and consultations from their nutritionists to improve their physical well-being.
However
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, from my perspective, I
am opposing
Wrong verb form
oppose
show examples
 the above ideas as I believe there is a more efficient way, which is to pursue a balanced and active diet to achieve good health.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, Bioengineer technology, which has undergone tremendous and continuous evolution, changed the way people absorb nutrients.
For instance
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, with just a tablet of supplements, you are able to take in as much vitamin C as
consuming
Wrong verb form
you consume
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 a substantial amount of fruits, which barely anyone can achieve.
In addition
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, when seeing a doctor, the hospital profession tends to associate the body's adverse medical condition with the lack of some medicines or micronutrients.
Hence
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, in most scenarios, The patients are prone to purchase vitamins as a treatment rather than advising a more nutritious diet. On the whole,
this
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 results in more population depending on medicines.
Body paragraph 2
By contrast
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, a nutrient-enriched diet and an active workout are proven to be more effective
to prolong
Change preposition
in prolonging
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 one’s well-being. To illustrate
this
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, scientific findings indicate that consuming food rich in vitamins and protein and a well-balanced amount of fibre and fat can help boost our muscle building
as well as
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 internal organ function.
Furthermore
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, when it is done in combination with exercising at least 6 hours a week can make one less acquiring sickness or reduce significant cardiovascular-related medical conditions.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is apparent that sustainable human well-being is based on a healthy lifestyle like frequent exercise and nutritious meals rather than those artificial boost-up capsules.
Therefore
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, I would visualize a future where governments across the globe work shoulders-by-shoulders to impose some laws to restrict or alleviate the practice of supplements for a better healthier world.

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Task Achievement
Provide clearer and more direct examples to support your points. Ensure that your examples are relevant to the arguments you are making.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure and follows a logical flow of ideas. Use linking words and phrases to show the connections between different parts of the essay.
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