IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some peope believe that nowadyas we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#peope #nowadyas #choices
We live in an era with advanced technology, which gives
people
 various possibilities. Countries and
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
, in general, are developing and society is able to experience more than in the past, I have no doubts. Is it too much to handle? I would like to present my point of view on
this
 topic.
Firstly
,
people
 do have many
choices
 nowadays. There are more stores and products to purchase,
also
 humans have more ways to buy material goods than their ancestors. Technology has made online shopping possible.
Moreover
, it is much easier for us, as
people
 to take part in different events. Anyone can find something they are interested in,
for example
, we can attend art or historical exhibitions, concerts and a huge range of festivals,
therefore
, we can learn about cultures,
history
Correct word choice
and history
show examples
 and gain fantastic memories.
Furthermore
, 21st century gives us a chance to travel around the world and visit
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 amount of places,
as a result
, we can meet other
people
, try local food and get familiar with their traditions.
However
, diversity and variety of
choices
 might
also
 have some disadvantages.
For instance
,
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern life have
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
easier access to drugs, alcohol and other products, which can lead to addictions,
consequently
, humans can ruin their lives and their relatives as well. Some
people
 are more likely to suffer from addictions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they are unable to control themselves or they want to impress somebody. It can be dangerous and even lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
premature death. In conclusion, I believe that
people
 nowadays have a lot of
choices
 but from my point of view,
that is
 a good thing. It gives us, many possibilities, which we can use to educate ourselves. It certainly can cause some trouble, but as long as we know, what is good for us and we make good
choices
, we should not worry.
Submitted by paulastb6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: