IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that a person's culture is defined by their country of origin, while others believe that has only a minor influence.

#people #person #culture #country #origin #influence
Nowadays public debate has been going on over whether a
person
's
culture
 is defined by their
country
 of
origin
. Some people agree and think that the
culture
 in which a
person
 has been born
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
is his for the entirety of his life.
In contrast
, others believe that due to today's way of communication - social media, a
person
's
culture
 is only slightly influenced by the
country
 human has been born in,
culture
 is a
person
's
choice
.
Firstly
, people believe that
person
's
culture
 is heavily influenced by their homeland because usually, that's the
culture
 of their parents and grandparents.
Thus
 it is common to see counties' influence on a young, developing child.
For example
, if it is usual in the
country
 of a
person
's
origin
 to speak
one
 language, and celebrate particular holidays which are common for that region, the child will embrace those
traditions
 and
this
 will be part of his
culture
, part of his identity.
Furthermore
, the homeland's influence is seen in human's
choice
 of
food
. Traditional cuisine is tied to the region and
traditions
,
thus
 in
one
person
's
culture
, you can see his
origin
 by
choice
 of
food
, because no matter where a
person
 sets to live, comfort
food
 usually becomes the
food
 you ate when being a child.
As a result
, the way and place where human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 was brought up
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a great deal to
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
culture
.
On the other hand
, in today's world where it is hard to point out what is from
one
culture
 and what is from another, a
person
's
culture
 becomes solely his own
choice
. Social media has given every
one
 of us the ability to see and follow different
traditions
 of the world.
Thus
, a
person
's
culture
 is less likely to be influenced by the
country
 of
origin
.
For example
, younger people these days tend to celebrate Halloween. Though in my
country
this
 time is intended to mourn and remember the dead ones. Younger generations choose to follow new
traditions
,
thus
 changing the common
culture
 of a
person
 born in my homeland.
As a result
 of the wide use of social media, today's
person
's
culture
 is more likely to be influenced by a popular personality's
culture
 rather than the
person
's
country
 of
origin
.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: