IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Zoos should be banned because it is cruel to keep wild animals in captivity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#zoos #animals #captivity
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Zoos have always been very popular,
in special
Rephrase
especially
show examples
, with children.
However
, it is important to understand that these
animals
 are treated in lousy conditions harming as well psychologically and physically. I disagree with the closest zoo for the following reasons, The zoo can be used in the education and learning process, very few people and cities win with the zoological and I believe that
are
Correct pronoun usage
there are
show examples
 necessary laws and fiscality about the mistreatment of
animals
.
Firstly
, closed of zoological can be harmful to every place the education of leisure of children
already
Rephrase
apply
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that they can learn about
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
animals
 and know in practice the
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
show examples
 of
animals
,
for example
, can be shown in biology, between other.
Second,
I believe that, if have good fiscality of care of the
animals
, and responsibility for mistreatment and in
this
 case, closing these places, the zoological can work out no harm to
animals
.
For example
, in Costa Rica the zoo was closed because of the mistreatment of the
animals
 and after regularization can open and work out usually for the leisure of the society. thirsty, zoology is responsible for many jobs in a city and is often the main source and income.
furthermore
, the
closed
Replace the word
closure
show examples
 can cause much harm to the city and decrease the income of the population. In conclusion, in my point of view, closing zoology can be harmful to the education of children, and the income in the city,
therefore
, I believe that
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 needs to be laws and fiscality to avoid harm to the
animals
 and the population.
Submitted by cidronia.buriti on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly indicates your stance on the topic.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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