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Band 5

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expenctancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expenctancy #development
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In the modern world, an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 live longer than before thanks to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical advancement. As
consequences
Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
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, there are several prominent merits emerged.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can now enjoy
longer
Add an article
a longer
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 with more quality
time
Use synonyms
. The amount of knowledge one can pass to the younger generations increased.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the cost to
support
Use synonyms
 old
people
Use synonyms
 is continuously on the rise and the burden to take care of them became heavier
to
Change preposition
for
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 their children and grandchildren. I would like to discuss the longer
life
Use synonyms
expectancy's
Change noun form
expectancy
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 advantages and disadvantages and
finally
Linking Words
 want to state that I believe its benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The
first
Linking Words
 merit of longer
life
Use synonyms
 is that now
people
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 can take more
time
Use synonyms
 to spend each stage of their lives.
For example
Linking Words
, compared to decades ago,
people
Use synonyms
 can enjoy
their
Change the word
a
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 longer period after their retirement in good health.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on their hobbies or they can go back to school to restart their studies. Young females now have more flexible
time
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 to have their babies which in the past was a shorter window. The
second
Linking Words
 benefit of living longer is that
people
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 can pass their knowledge to the younger generation in more abundance. Which is to mean that researchers can spend expanded
time
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 to devote
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their studies and as a consequence, significant academic and scientific developments can be expected.
However
Linking Words
, undoubtedly, there are some serious problems incurred due to
people
Use synonyms
live
Wrong verb form
living
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 longer. The most serious problem is the financial pressure on governments and households.
For instance
Linking Words
,
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
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 of medical care has been
ever increasing
Add a hyphen
ever-increasing
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 in correlation to the rise
of
Change preposition
in
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life
Use synonyms
 expectancy. The
second
Linking Words
 and equally serious drawback is the significant burden to those who
support
Use synonyms
 senior citizens, their children and grandchildren who need to spend
huge
Add an article
a huge
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of
time
Use synonyms
 and energy to take care of the seniors. In conclusion, as discussed above, there are a number of benefits of
people
Use synonyms
 living longer as well as some drawbacks. Considering
the
Correct article usage
apply
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both, I believe the merits outweigh the drawbacks as we can live longer and healthier,
human
Correct word choice
and human
show examples
 intelligence can one day be able to overcome the demerits. Already, some devices to
support
Use synonyms
 senior citizens have appeared,
such
Linking Words
 as AI caretakers and robots to
support
Use synonyms
 old citizens' daily lives.
Submitted by michima2011 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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