There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music more of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

There are numerous forms of
music
available nowadays. Why do we require
music
? Is a
nation
’s traditional
music
more significant than the current, popular international
music
? In my opinion,
the
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traditional
music
is more noteworthy than the
music
of other countries.
Music
is a universal language which can refresh our soul and mind in various ways, whereas there are different kinds of
music
,
such
as pop, jazz, rock and classical etc. People have different taste
of
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in
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music
, which help them in their daily lives.
Additionally
,
Music
is a source of entertainment, which can help us in various ways.
For instance
, a person may get tired and stressed while returning from
office
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the office
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then
music
can work as
a
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magic for him which can let him forget the tiredness he brought from
office
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the office
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.
Moreover
, it can help us in a tiresome journey where one can listen to
music
and the whole travelling journey can become entertaining. In my view, the earlier
music
is better than the latter
music
. Since
,
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it(traditional) reflects upon the cultural identity and the history of a
nation
. Traditional
music
, as its
name
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,name
show examples
illustrates that it represents
Correct article usage
the tradition
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tradition
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traditions
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and customs of a
nation
. It can be linked to the values or even the religious lessons of a
nation
, which can keep the history of ancestors alive. In order to preserve the cultural values of
specific
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a specific
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tribe
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tribes
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of
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or
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Add an article
the nation
a nation
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nation
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nations
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, youth’s interest should be directed towards their own
music
instead
of listening to the popular
music
of different nationalities. In conclusion, traditional
music
is of more importance and significance as compared to
the
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international
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internationally
show examples
famous
music
, youngsters should give their heart to
the
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apply
show examples
traditional
music
to keep their cultural heritage alive.
Submitted by sudaiskhan992 on

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