IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
Sugar
 is a very common ingredient in many manufactured foods and drinks, which
consequently
 is not very healthy to be consumed for a long period of time. While increasing the price of
such
products
 can temporarily alleviate the problem, I believe that more long-term solutions are needed to tackle
this
 issue, which we will discuss in
this
 essay. It's mandatory for brands to put their
products
' nutrition facts and their prices on their packaging,
however
, few
people
 pay any attention to that information and hardly notice the reason behind the overpriced
products
.
Nevertheless
, research has shown that in many cases if the high price of a product stops
people
 from consuming that product, they would find another way to feed their cravings for
sugar
.
For example
,
people
 might reduce or stop buying high-sugared orange juice but when they are ordering tea in a cafe they would pour a huge amount of
sugar
 and make it super sweet for themselves. To tackle
this
 problem, both consumers and product producers should be encouraged to reduce their usage of
sugar
.
Furthermore
, the government could encourage brands to use less
sugar
 in their
products
 by using tax incentive schemes. In the meantime, by educating individuals from a young age in school,
people
 would adopt more healthy habits and are more likely to choose more healthy
products
 as they grow up. To sum up, it seems that increasing the price of sugary
products
 is a temporary solution and to ameliorate the health issues consistent with
sugar
 consumption, authorities should start educating
people
 about the risks and enforce laws for brands regarding the amount of
sugar
 used in their
products
.
Submitted by p.shafiei.b on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: