IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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Sugar
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 is a very common ingredient in many manufactured foods and drinks, which
consequently
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 is not very healthy to be consumed for a long period of time. While increasing the price of
such
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products
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 can temporarily alleviate the problem, I believe that more long-term solutions are needed to tackle
this
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 issue, which we will discuss in
this
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 essay. It's mandatory for brands to put their
products
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' nutrition facts and their prices on their packaging,
however
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, few
people
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 pay any attention to that information and hardly notice the reason behind the overpriced
products
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.
Nevertheless
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, research has shown that in many cases if the high price of a product stops
people
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 from consuming that product, they would find another way to feed their cravings for
sugar
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.
For example
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,
people
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 might reduce or stop buying high-sugared orange juice but when they are ordering tea in a cafe they would pour a huge amount of
sugar
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 and make it super sweet for themselves. To tackle
this
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 problem, both consumers and product producers should be encouraged to reduce their usage of
sugar
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.
Furthermore
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, the government could encourage brands to use less
sugar
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 in their
products
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 by using tax incentive schemes. In the meantime, by educating individuals from a young age in school,
people
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 would adopt more healthy habits and are more likely to choose more healthy
products
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 as they grow up. To sum up, it seems that increasing the price of sugary
products
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 is a temporary solution and to ameliorate the health issues consistent with
sugar
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 consumption, authorities should start educating
people
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 about the risks and enforce laws for brands regarding the amount of
sugar
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 used in their
products
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.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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