IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
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Today, more and more senior
people
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 need to be
take
Wrong verb form
taken
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care
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 of
from
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by
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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improvements are made in health
care
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.
Rising
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The rising
A rising
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 population of elderly globally becomes a serious issue which
examine
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examines
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 if we are capable to deal with them. From my viewpoint, I firmly believe that we have the ability to take
care
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 of old
people
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 with resources in
the
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apply
show examples
society
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 and I will discuss my points below. In most developed countries, there are more senior
population
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populations
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 in their
society
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 than
the
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apply
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infants. It means that in those countries a youth should take
care
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 of several elderly
people
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 at the same time. While the power of an individual is limited, the power of
society
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 seems to be abundant because
of
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apply
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the
state of the art
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state-of-the-art
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 technologies today help to maintain old
peoples'
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people's
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 lives and keep them living longer than before. As the result, an increasing number of seniors is a tricky problem we need to face,
in particular
Linking Words
 the advanced economies. To deal with
this
Linking Words
 issue, a holistic development of
Correct article usage
the health
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health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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care
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 system should be taken into account
of
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by
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 statesmen.
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First
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,First
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 they need to establish communication between elderly
people
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 and medical institutions
such
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 as local
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clinics
clincs
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clinics
 or hospitals in their
neighborhoods
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neighbourhoods
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.
Then
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 follows
by
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apply
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a real-time reporting system to monitor their health conditions, if some accidents
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occurred
occur
occured
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occur
 to them, members
in
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of
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community
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the community
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 can contribute
themselves
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apply
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to cope with the issues. What's more, nursing homes
they
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apply
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should provide medical and mental
cares
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care
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 to seniors as they may feel lonely after
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the move
a move
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move
Wrong verb form
moving
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 into
nursing
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a nursing
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 house.
For example
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, holding activities can give them a sense of belonging and increase their willingness to integrate
in
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into
with
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 the new environment.
Finally
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, we as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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citizens should shape an
Add a hyphen
elderly-friendly
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elderly friendly
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elderly-friendly
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 environment by facilitating them with sufficient
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 so that they can really enjoy their lives in
this
Linking Words
 community. In summary, to cope with seniority
society
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, we should prepare ourselves to face the issue and develop solutions to help them overcome difficulties with the power of
society
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.
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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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